Then good ol’ Douche Dad steps in, because the guy couldn’t keep his mouth shut if he had it wired that way, Kanye style. Shut up, Douche Dad. But he goes on yapping at Mickey, and all Dance Moms watchers roll their eyes and wonder why we’re seeing this crap. They threaten to fight each other, and the word yawns.
After a commercial about some new show with awful moms, we’re back at ALDC. The moms bring up to Kelly that they want to have a sleepover, and they want to Paige to plan it. Sweet, right? Oh no no no! Kelly immediately asks what the hell it’s for and calls them out for going out to lunch without her. Awwwwkwaaaaard.
Dammit. We’re back in Ohio. They’re trying to resolve the problem at the studio, and Cathy tears up. Ugh. Fast forward. Cathy thinks Mickey is a mole.
Okay, back at ALDC. Abby sits a bunch of her senior kids watch her performance and critique her, since Cathy and Anthony caused such a stir by judging her last week. I guess this is supposed to be a lesson or something. But Abby just tells the seniors what to say and they agree. Lesson learned?
Upstairs, Jill makes up some dopey excuse about want to go raid the costume room with Christi. So they go down, since obviously Jill just wants to talk about Kelly. This reminds me of middle school. Christi agrees, but she’s like, “Meh, what else am I gonna do?”
Jill tells Christi that she’s still upset that Kelly is mad at her and won’t apologize. She also tells Christi that she’s tired of no one having her back, and Christi says she’ll have her back. We’ll see. Christi is diplomatic about it.
Back upstairs, Jill straight up asks Kelly if she feels bad about screaming at her last night. Kelly looks at her and so matter-of-factly says, “No.” I actually laughed out loud at that. Jill is somehow still dumbfounded that Kelly is annoyed with her for butting into her business.
So Jill proceeds to tell Kelly that everyone agrees that Kelly is a bully. Word-twisting much? Much yelling is going on, and Abby and her rehearsal group just stare at them from below with brilliant looks of stupor upon their little dancey faces.
Christi jumps in and tells Kelly that she was obviously upset with Abby. Kelly gets immediately defensive, and then Kelly says that Christi told her that Christi doesn’t see Kelly as a friend anymore. Christi denies that and tells Kelly she’s “full of F@#%ing S&$t,” minus a few symbols, but bleeped out for the sake of the children. Abby hears this, and asks her group of seniors who said it. One dopey kid says it was Christi, and one dopey editor spells her name “Christie” in the subtitles. Stellar work, sir.
Then it keeps blowing up further and Kelly and Christi really get into it. It’s uncomfortable, and Kelly says she won’t ever be Christi’s friend. Christi storms downstairs after saying “F$#@ you” to Kelly a couple times. Aaaaaand commercial.
So we’re back, and Christi is getting her shit together to leave, and still yelling in the dressing room about Kelly being jealous. Nia and Paige are in there too, and Paige comes upstairs crying that Christi was yelling in her face. This caused a retarded shitstorm on Twitter. because if you watch the clip, she was literally like six feet away from the girls, and she wasn’t even yelling in their direction. Then some the same dopey kid who called Christi out to Abby for cussing jumps on Twitter and says some crap about Christi showing her true colors. What a turd.
So to exacerbate the situation even further, Maddie trails behind Paige to explain to the other moms what happened. Only, Maddie WASN’T EVEN IN THE ROOM. Dumb. So she tells them that Christi was yelling into Paige’s face too. Now the situation has exploded. Kelly is upset, and rightfully so this time, if the situation had actually gone down the way it seemed to have.
And just as things were getting interesting, we’re back in freaking Ohio where Anthony is teaching the boys a group number about steroids in sports. This is something that actually happened. I wish I were making it up. The freaking Douche Dad answers some question from some mom that she was obviously told to ask him and it’s awkward and I hate it and I want to go back to ALDC.