Tell-Some, Part 2 – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on May 15, 2013 · 9 comments

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Obviously this was another planted question to bring out Christi and Jill.  This whole crying scandal doesn’t really matter to anyone, except that it’s fun to watch Jill gets mad, because she shakes like an epileptic in a booty club.  Fake Kristie thinks that the moms think that she doesn’t let Asia cry, which is because she doesn’t let Asia cry.

Christi basically tells fake Kristie that she like her, and that she knows she was just projecting because fake Kristie had other shit going on in her life.  Fake Kristie is like, “What are you even talking about,” because apparently you can only talk about things if they happen on the show, and Christi don’t play that.

Abby chimes in to say that none of these kids should be crying because there are kids in Pittsburgh who don’t have food to eat while these girls are living the dream.  This is dumb.  It’s like saying, “Hey dude, don’t cry about your broken leg.  There’s probably someone else somewhere who broke their back.”  Yeah, well, breaking your leg still effing hurts, so S a D.

Christi tells Abby that she doesn’t know when crying became a crime.  Abby, instead of saying something rational (but still irrational) like,” It’s not a crime, but I hate it anyway,” says, “When it happens four times a week.”  Ugh.  So is it a misdemeanor or a felony?  What’s the maximum punishment, again?  Stupid.  As Christi says, “maybe if Abby wasn’t such a douche canoe to the kids, they wouldn’t have so many reasons to cry.

Kids cry.  That’s normal.  Next segment.

Although, it is funny to hear Melissa saying that Asia is so rehearsed with her responses. Pot, meet kettle. Also, Jill straight up says how awful Asia is in the group numbers, which makes me chuckle.

After the break, Melissa is out.  Jeff asks Melissa if it bothers her that Abby said Sophia is the new Maddie.  Melissa really just needed say, “Um, no.  She was on the team for the time it takes Abby to eat a meal at Golden Corral.”  Then he asks if it bothers her that Sophia can “out-spin” Maddie.  Melissa chuckles at his use of “spin” instead of “turn,” and I can tell that inside she’s pointing at him with her thumb and going, “This f–king guy!!!”

Time for Sophia’s mom to come out.  I don’t call her Jackie, because she just don’t look like a Jackie to me.  She looks like Sophia’s mom.  She comes out to say she’s about her daughter’s dancing and not the drama.  The moms basically all want the show to be more about the girls, but Lifetime apparently ain’t having it.  Abby uses this as a totally left-field segue to talk about how she made “Maddie” a household name.  Dumb.  Abby didn’t do that.  Dance Moms did that.

This goes on for a while with nothing really happen, until I snap out of my daydream because I hear Cathy yapping about God knows what.

Oh hey, I snapped out just in time for a question from the audience.  “Hey Sophia’s mom, do you think Sophia can out-dance Maddie?”  Holy crap, lady. Have you not watched the last five minutes of this show?  Someone escort this lady out.

After the commercial, Abby is now in the green room while all the moms and Cathy are out.  Jeff asks what Holly and Kelly think about all of this, since they’ve been locked up for most of the show.  Holly says a bunch of educated-sounding stuff, because she’s freaking Dr. Holly.  She says it’s bullshit that Abby talks so negatively about them.  Then Sophia’s mom asks the tired old question of why Holly stays there.  Holly says Nia has improved at dancing under Abby, and taking her away from the studio would actually make Nia unhappy because she loved dance and she loves her friends.  It’s pretty simple, really.

Christi chimes in to say that all the moms who aren’t sporadic character arcs on the show deserve to be there, because they were there from the beginning.  The replacement moms just jumped on after the groundwork had been laid, hence the real moms being annoyed with them.  Makes sense.

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  • RadRose

    Haha best recap ever! I can’t stand Fake Kristie, she is so wearing a wedding dress. And Jeff. This guy is so awful!! Why do they let him host the reunion specials?!? Ugh. He’s the worst.

    I know they filmed part one and two all together, but I have noticed that this week he seems to have less terribly-awkward-transitions than last week. I was getting so annoyed during part one when he kept asking questions and then making abrupt transitions five words into the reply as if the dance mom he was interviewing had been prattling for an hour. It was maddening, no one could get out a complete thought!

    I don’t really mind the plugs for the other show, the dance competition one. It wasn’t as interesting as Dance Moms, but the dancing was good.

    Is it just me or are Abby’s girls and their moves getting redundant? I feel like even Maddie does essentially the same dance with exactly the same emoting every week. Watching Sophia perform is what’s really sending that message home. She’s amazing and even her brief reunion show dance felt fresher and more exciting than all the dances this whole season.

    You rock, I really love your recaps. Can we be BFFs?

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    Well thank ya! And we are now BFFs. Can I borrow some money, though?

  • http://twitter.com/EmilyF725 Emily

    Abby is out of control. Her ego could not be more over inflated. Cathy may have deserved some of it – but the shit about her mother crossed a line.
    My biggest concern about the little reunion show is that we were one over the top hand gesture away from a Kelly nip slip. Although, if she was really smart, she would have let it happen so people could start talking shit about that and leave Paige alone. And speaking of the Hyland’s, what the hell happened to Brooke this season? Has she gone off to Dance Moms exile somewhere?
    Final thought, Melissa didn’t wipe the lipstick off Mackenzie’s teeth before she performed. Bad parent.

  • Betsy

    It’s like watching child abuse and not doing anything about it. Abby is horrid.

  • @chiodo_lisa

    Abby’s big thing has always been that she produces “employable dancers” so wth is she doing having outside auditions & bringing in girls who are products of someone else? Seems a bit like cheating to me because (correct me if I’m wrong) but aren’t the other studios she’s competing against (Cathy doesn’t count) their own dancers? Not from all over the country (or known throughout the country-ahem-Asia)…and no- not one of the people in the studio audience passed the 3rd grade, their ??’s were an embarrassment …

  • Kimberly

    Okay, well heres the thing. I really dont mind Abby yelling at the kids once in a whille about things pertaining to dance (like pointing their toes). When your an elite anything you have to be tough, period. However, like you said I think she is going way too far. She wants money, and fame, and dosn’t want anyone getting in her way. I am pretty sure one of the reasons she hates Chloe so much is that Chloe does meet and greets without her, so that Abby doesn’t get paid any money. Maddie, Kenzie, and Kendall only seem to do meet and greets (or “Master Classes” whatever, with Abby). Abby wants to go off and expand her own brand with her Ultimate dance show, and show the other moms that she dosnt need them, but I actually kind of think she does. Which is why I urge everyone to not watch the show! Dont give Abby the ratings, if you do you are empowering a selfish greedy brat!
    I didnt have as much off a problem with the teacher Abby was in Season 1 than the teacher Abby is now. She puts all her frustrations with life on those kids, and then even leaves them during the summer to go film another show. The kid’s interests arn’t a priority for her anymore, but rather her own selfish gain. I also find the show a bit annoying because there are obviously things going on off camera, but nobody address it. They just go on with their storylines, and at times it is obvious that everyone is being fake. It also is kind of weird that the next season is starting so soon (in just a couple weeks). Which makes me think that they just started a new season so that contracts could be renegotiated which seems to always be a big issue on this show.
    Oh and just as a side note, I thought it was hilarious that during the season finale, Abby punished all the girls but Asia, by having them do 100 push ups! None of the girls, but maybe Brooke even seem like they were able to 20 push ups with good form, much less 100. Which made Abby’s request seem ridiculous and even comical. They are dancers, not marines!

  • Elizabeth

    I missed your recaps from past shows. All of my co – workers groan when I mention this show. That said, your recap is right on. Abby is on a ego trip. I wonder what her mother thought after the comments she made about Cathy’s mother. Never diss someone’s Mommy!!

  • MegRuss626

    So happy to have a recap to read again….makes me hate myself a little less for still watching this train wreck!!

  • Ashley

    Happy to have you back! I think reunion shows are terrible in general, but at least the girls performed. And some of the responses felt a little less scripted than parts of the show have been as of late…notice I said some. I think the show needs a longer break than 2 weeks…but I’ll be back to watching regardless. I’m addicted! I wonder if the cast is getting burnt out because of all the filming?

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