Tell-Some, Part 2 – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on May 15, 2013 · 9 comments

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Wow, it’s been a while!  I’ve been a bit MIA, but I’m back!  Let’s talk about bit about tonight’s “Tell-All Part 2,” shall we?

First off, Abby is just getting worse, right?  I mean, she started off as a loud, annoying lady who yells at kids.  Now she’s a loud, annoying lady who yells at kids and is a straight up a-hole to the rest of the world too.  Downward spiral?  Sure seems it.  Let’s break it down.

A little recap of last week’s Part 1:  The girls danced, Christi and Kelly still are harnessing a bit of bitterness over their fight earlier this season, and Abby bitched out and left the room for no reason when Cathy started talking to her. Oh, and Cathy claims to be ninety pounds (ha!).

By the way, LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!  That felt good.

We start off with Jeff Collins trying to act like it’s a new night when it’s obviously the same night, since everyone is wearing the same clothes.  And it’s actually light outside, so I’m not so sure that qualifies as night.  Maybe the sun is weird on the east coast, though.  I don’t know.  Jeff Collins narrates like he’s reading, because he’s reading.  It’s like a college kid trying to learn to be a newscaster.

Out comes Abby.  Yay.  So how did fake Kristie and Sophia’s mom fit in, Abby?  “Oh, I loved them, because they’re helping me promote my other show!”  Womp womp.  Jeff asks her what everyone wants to know, based on what he’s seen on the blogs, which is, “Why didn’t Sophia and Maddie ever compete?”  Two things: a) Because it’s dumb and Sophia is from another planet, and b) YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T READ MY BLOG, JEFF COLLINS, BECAUSE I NEVER ASKED THAT STUPID QUESTION.  Rude.

So who’s a better dancer?  Sophia or Maddie?  Abby couldn’t answer, but she probably actually made a smart decision there for once.  Even though she always compares her dancers.  But seeing as how Sophia isn’t one of her dancers, good job I guess?

So what about Asia vs. Mackenzie?  She basically says Asia is better, but Mackenzie is smarter.  Says Mackenzie, “Ummm… thanks?”

Oh, thanks for cutting away to Cathy talking to Vivi, who apparently was in the green room for just enough time to film this little nine second throwaway.

And what about the audience questions tonight?  Holly jeez.  Here’s the first one:  “Do you think the other dance moms are jealous of Kristie Ray because of her physical attributes?”  Not all women have boobs that grow from their collarbones, but not all women have had plastic surgery, I guess.  The question is enough to warrant a Christi Eyeroll™.

So based on the next segment, apparently the dumb question was just a dumb segue to bring fake Kristie out.  So out she comes, and she gives Abby a hug, while totally cold-shouldering Jeff Collins, who makes an excuse about not messing up her make up as he dies a little inside.  Nice wedding dress, fake Kristie.  Which of your moms gave you the dress?  J-Lo or the Kardashian sister?

Kristie then talks about a bunch of boring crap about how she’s not trying to make friends, but is just trying to be an annoying daughter-pusher.  She thinks everyone hates her.  Abby thinks that the moms think that there’s an ulterior motive (or “alterior motive, as Abby says).  Hey Abby, there is an ulterior motive.  You know that dumb competition show you had?  Oh wait, what?  You didn’t even watch it?  Well, this lady was on it.  And now she’s on this show.  And you’re trying to have that show again for no one to watch.  There’s your motive.

Jeff also then asks her if fake Kristie thinks the moms are scared of her.  She admits she has a “slight snappiness,” and then says, “lil’ bit” but in Spanish for some reason.  Kelly and her boobs remind us that fake Kristie looked like she was going to murder everyone in the room at any minute.  Good point.  Pretty sure this chick is batshit crazy, so I don’t think I’d blame any of the moms for fearing her.

Oh yay, another audience question.  Let’s see what gem is diamond is pulled out of this rough.  “At the end of the season, we saw things get heated between you and Christi and Jill.  Can you tell us your side of the story?”  It was on TV, lady.  Just rewind it and you see the story again.  Next question.

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  • RadRose

    Haha best recap ever! I can’t stand Fake Kristie, she is so wearing a wedding dress. And Jeff. This guy is so awful!! Why do they let him host the reunion specials?!? Ugh. He’s the worst.

    I know they filmed part one and two all together, but I have noticed that this week he seems to have less terribly-awkward-transitions than last week. I was getting so annoyed during part one when he kept asking questions and then making abrupt transitions five words into the reply as if the dance mom he was interviewing had been prattling for an hour. It was maddening, no one could get out a complete thought!

    I don’t really mind the plugs for the other show, the dance competition one. It wasn’t as interesting as Dance Moms, but the dancing was good.

    Is it just me or are Abby’s girls and their moves getting redundant? I feel like even Maddie does essentially the same dance with exactly the same emoting every week. Watching Sophia perform is what’s really sending that message home. She’s amazing and even her brief reunion show dance felt fresher and more exciting than all the dances this whole season.

    You rock, I really love your recaps. Can we be BFFs?


    Well thank ya! And we are now BFFs. Can I borrow some money, though?

  • Emily

    Abby is out of control. Her ego could not be more over inflated. Cathy may have deserved some of it – but the shit about her mother crossed a line.
    My biggest concern about the little reunion show is that we were one over the top hand gesture away from a Kelly nip slip. Although, if she was really smart, she would have let it happen so people could start talking shit about that and leave Paige alone. And speaking of the Hyland’s, what the hell happened to Brooke this season? Has she gone off to Dance Moms exile somewhere?
    Final thought, Melissa didn’t wipe the lipstick off Mackenzie’s teeth before she performed. Bad parent.

  • Betsy

    It’s like watching child abuse and not doing anything about it. Abby is horrid.

  • @chiodo_lisa

    Abby’s big thing has always been that she produces “employable dancers” so wth is she doing having outside auditions & bringing in girls who are products of someone else? Seems a bit like cheating to me because (correct me if I’m wrong) but aren’t the other studios she’s competing against (Cathy doesn’t count) their own dancers? Not from all over the country (or known throughout the country-ahem-Asia)…and no- not one of the people in the studio audience passed the 3rd grade, their ??’s were an embarrassment …

  • Kimberly

    Okay, well heres the thing. I really dont mind Abby yelling at the kids once in a whille about things pertaining to dance (like pointing their toes). When your an elite anything you have to be tough, period. However, like you said I think she is going way too far. She wants money, and fame, and dosn’t want anyone getting in her way. I am pretty sure one of the reasons she hates Chloe so much is that Chloe does meet and greets without her, so that Abby doesn’t get paid any money. Maddie, Kenzie, and Kendall only seem to do meet and greets (or “Master Classes” whatever, with Abby). Abby wants to go off and expand her own brand with her Ultimate dance show, and show the other moms that she dosnt need them, but I actually kind of think she does. Which is why I urge everyone to not watch the show! Dont give Abby the ratings, if you do you are empowering a selfish greedy brat!
    I didnt have as much off a problem with the teacher Abby was in Season 1 than the teacher Abby is now. She puts all her frustrations with life on those kids, and then even leaves them during the summer to go film another show. The kid’s interests arn’t a priority for her anymore, but rather her own selfish gain. I also find the show a bit annoying because there are obviously things going on off camera, but nobody address it. They just go on with their storylines, and at times it is obvious that everyone is being fake. It also is kind of weird that the next season is starting so soon (in just a couple weeks). Which makes me think that they just started a new season so that contracts could be renegotiated which seems to always be a big issue on this show.
    Oh and just as a side note, I thought it was hilarious that during the season finale, Abby punished all the girls but Asia, by having them do 100 push ups! None of the girls, but maybe Brooke even seem like they were able to 20 push ups with good form, much less 100. Which made Abby’s request seem ridiculous and even comical. They are dancers, not marines!

  • Elizabeth

    I missed your recaps from past shows. All of my co – workers groan when I mention this show. That said, your recap is right on. Abby is on a ego trip. I wonder what her mother thought after the comments she made about Cathy’s mother. Never diss someone’s Mommy!!

  • MegRuss626

    So happy to have a recap to read again….makes me hate myself a little less for still watching this train wreck!!

  • Ashley

    Happy to have you back! I think reunion shows are terrible in general, but at least the girls performed. And some of the responses felt a little less scripted than parts of the show have been as of late…notice I said some. I think the show needs a longer break than 2 weeks…but I’ll be back to watching regardless. I’m addicted! I wonder if the cast is getting burnt out because of all the filming?

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