Wow, it’s been a while!  I’ve been a bit MIA, but I’m back!  Let’s talk about bit about tonight’s “Tell-All Part 2,” shall we?

First off, Abby is just getting worse, right?  I mean, she started off as a loud, annoying lady who yells at kids.  Now she’s a loud, annoying lady who yells at kids and is a straight up a-hole to the rest of the world too.  Downward spiral?  Sure seems it.  Let’s break it down.

A little recap of last week’s Part 1:  The girls danced, Christi and Kelly still are harnessing a bit of bitterness over their fight earlier this season, and Abby bitched out and left the room for no reason when Cathy started talking to her. Oh, and Cathy claims to be ninety pounds (ha!).

By the way, LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!  That felt good.

We start off with Jeff Collins trying to act like it’s a new night when it’s obviously the same night, since everyone is wearing the same clothes.  And it’s actually light outside, so I’m not so sure that qualifies as night.  Maybe the sun is weird on the east coast, though.  I don’t know.  Jeff Collins narrates like he’s reading, because he’s reading.  It’s like a college kid trying to learn to be a newscaster.

Out comes Abby.  Yay.  So how did fake Kristie and Sophia’s mom fit in, Abby?  “Oh, I loved them, because they’re helping me promote my other show!”  Womp womp.  Jeff asks her what everyone wants to know, based on what he’s seen on the blogs, which is, “Why didn’t Sophia and Maddie ever compete?”  Two things: a) Because it’s dumb and Sophia is from another planet, and b) YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T READ MY BLOG, JEFF COLLINS, BECAUSE I NEVER ASKED THAT STUPID QUESTION.  Rude.

So who’s a better dancer?  Sophia or Maddie?  Abby couldn’t answer, but she probably actually made a smart decision there for once.  Even though she always compares her dancers.  But seeing as how Sophia isn’t one of her dancers, good job I guess?

So what about Asia vs. Mackenzie?  She basically says Asia is better, but Mackenzie is smarter.  Says Mackenzie, “Ummm… thanks?”

Oh, thanks for cutting away to Cathy talking to Vivi, who apparently was in the green room for just enough time to film this little nine second throwaway.

And what about the audience questions tonight?  Holly jeez.  Here’s the first one:  “Do you think the other dance moms are jealous of Kristie Ray because of her physical attributes?”  Not all women have boobs that grow from their collarbones, but not all women have had plastic surgery, I guess.  The question is enough to warrant a Christi Eyeroll™.

So based on the next segment, apparently the dumb question was just a dumb segue to bring fake Kristie out.  So out she comes, and she gives Abby a hug, while totally cold-shouldering Jeff Collins, who makes an excuse about not messing up her make up as he dies a little inside.  Nice wedding dress, fake Kristie.  Which of your moms gave you the dress?  J-Lo or the Kardashian sister?

Kristie then talks about a bunch of boring crap about how she’s not trying to make friends, but is just trying to be an annoying daughter-pusher.  She thinks everyone hates her.  Abby thinks that the moms think that there’s an ulterior motive (or “alterior motive, as Abby says).  Hey Abby, there is an ulterior motive.  You know that dumb competition show you had?  Oh wait, what?  You didn’t even watch it?  Well, this lady was on it.  And now she’s on this show.  And you’re trying to have that show again for no one to watch.  There’s your motive.

Jeff also then asks her if fake Kristie thinks the moms are scared of her.  She admits she has a “slight snappiness,” and then says, “lil’ bit” but in Spanish for some reason.  Kelly and her boobs remind us that fake Kristie looked like she was going to murder everyone in the room at any minute.  Good point.  Pretty sure this chick is batshit crazy, so I don’t think I’d blame any of the moms for fearing her.

Oh yay, another audience question.  Let’s see what gem is diamond is pulled out of this rough.  “At the end of the season, we saw things get heated between you and Christi and Jill.  Can you tell us your side of the story?”  It was on TV, lady.  Just rewind it and you see the story again.  Next question.