That’s a Wrap – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on March 27, 2013 · 9 comments

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So I was trying to figure out why I’m so burnt out on writing this show.  I think it’s because there’s no end in sight.  I checked around online, and if Wikipedia is to be believed, WE’RE ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THIS SEASON.  Good God.  No wonder the moms complain about so much filming.  I would too.  Anyways, on with the recap.

Previously on Dance Moms:  Cathy says they beat ALDC, Cathy subsequently gets beaten by ALDC, Nia was the best Rosa Parks since Rosa Parks was Rosa Parks, and Douchey Dad was still a douche.

LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!  I know, right?  It’s awesome.

In come the girls and their mothers to the studio.  The girls won last week, and Abby is happy about this, especially because Cathy had to sit there and see it.  This week they’re going to Michigan for competition.

Pyramid time!  Brooke’s at the bottom for having no idea what to do during the dance, and talking to “Rosa Parks” during the dance.  Because of this, Abby has decided that Brooke needs a break and won’t be going with them to competition this weekend.  But she still has to go to all her rehearsals, which is total bullshit.  Worst break ever.  Out goes Brooke.

Next is Mackenzie.   Booooooo.  Abby is mad at Mackenzie for both not dancing and not resting her foot when she should have been.  Then it’s Nia, who was… outstanding?  But she’s fifth place on the pyramid?  Abby tells her Rosa Parks would be very proud.  And Rosa Parks’ pride only gets her fifth?  Weak.

Rounding out the bottom of the pyramid is Kendall.  She got second place with her solo, so naturally she’s fourth place on the pyramid.  Chloe is next, but hell, at least she’s on the pyramid.  Then it’s Paige in second place, with Maddie of course rounding out the top.  Boring.  Would Rosa Parks be proud of her?  Doubt it.

Kendall gets another solo this week, which will work on her stamina.  And she makes her jog in place.  Sure.

Chloe also gets a solo finally, and she’s pumped.  and of course Maddie gets a solo.  Or does she?  She gets a duet with Mackenzie.  A Maddenzie duet!  Called “Run From Mother.”

The group routine is a surprise, apparently, but she tells them it’s called “Gold Digger.”  So the moms go upstairs and Abby teaches them what a Gold Digger is.  Chloe seems very enlightened by this, like, “Oh, so that’s what I’m supposed to call it.”  This dance will have some Fosse moves, so it’ll be all broadway and jazzy and what not.  Musical theater kinda stuff, if SYTYCD has taught me anything.

Upstairs, the moms notice a little something different about her.  There’s a ring on her finger!  Now technically, I’m not sure what’s different, because she wore her wedding ring months before she got married anyway.  But regardless, apparently she’s married.  On a Monday night.  And told no one.  Romantic?  Strange?  A combination?  Kelly knew, but not because she was invited, but because Paige was invited.  What the?  She’s weird.

Downstairs, the “guest” is here.  “Surprise!!” says the guest.  “Ummmm…..” says everyone in the studio.  No one knows who this chick is, but apparently she’s Rachelle Rak, a “dear, longtime friend” of Abby’s.  Apparently she’s from Pittsburgh and is currently in the Flashdance Broadway show.  She plays Tess, and with a little help from Google I found that Tess is “a veteran flashdancer and mentor to the main character, Alex.”  So there’s that.  She’ll be choreographing the number this week.

Rachelle drops her coat and is sporting a leotard underneath.  These don’t look good on anyone.  Put them on the hottest woman (or man, for that matter) in the world, and you’re still going to have an 80s workout video.  It’s just not good.

The moms think it’s a bit weird that Abby is letting someone else choreograph, since she’s such a control freak.  Being a bit Cathy-like?  Hm.

Downstairs, all of a sudden Rachelle just flips over and flings her head around tries to get all sexy-looking, but still strikes me as unfortunately unappealing.  Sorry, chick.

Abby is excited for the girls to learn Rachelle’s style, but she’s also worried that they’re not going to learn the dance in time.  Then Rachelle teaches the girls to be pigeon-toed, and Abby looks even more disturbed.  It’s the beginning of a downward spiral.

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  • http://twitter.com/EmilyF725 Emily

    Asia could be hit or miss. She’s a cute little girl, but completely over the top. And her mom is a super stage mom. Way worse than Jill.

    And I agree with you. This does feel like the never ending season. In typical lifetime fashion, they’ll continue to over play it until the world is tired of it. And the past couple episodes have been boring. Same old shit. Abby is a bitch. Maddie is queen of the world. Chole can’t catch a break and everyone else is filler material.

  • DM

    Actually, that was the real music to Chloe’s solo. I found a video of it on youtube a while ago from someone who was at the competition. Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p8hGaYsidw

    I’m sure the mothers will all have many complaints about Asia and get in many fights with her mother. Asia is good but I remember her being very full of herself and her mom Kristy was quite obnoxious.

    First Hadley, then Zack, now Asia. I’m still not sure why they think it’s necessary to bring all of these kids from AUCD on to Dance Moms.

  • http://twitter.com/CatieBlair29 Erin Fleeger

    Asia… wow. I have mixed feelings about her. SHE’S A PERFORMER… She will, hands down, blow Cathy & her Candy Apples out of the water. Granted, she’s a kinda full of herself – but she’s also a pretty good little dancer (emphasis on LITTLE). Her mom is a handfull. But I thought she was WAY better than Hadley’s obnoxious mom, Yvette. I doubt Asia will stay long.. Just like Sophia & Zack were on for like, 1 episode – which was fine by me… so I’m not worried.

    I just watched the episode tonight & I’ve already forgotten the group dance – so it must’ve been kind of mediocre in my book – that’s not to say it wasn’t well done by the girls. Mackenzie is cute in everything she does, but when Maddie comes on, I just kind of slip into a tv coma so @ risk of sounding like old school American Idol Randy Jackson, the duet was “just ok for me, man”. Kendall’s solo could’ve been so great… but I got bored in the middle. Always feels a little like she’s walking around or stopping or doing something where she stands still for too long… or maybe I dreamed that when I dozed off. But I thought the 20’s theme was cool & she looked fab.

    What I DO remember was Chloe’s solo. She totally rocked it – like we knew she would! She looked fabulous & danced it well. I loved the rock & roll hand gesture & the tongue, lol. Bad@ss Chloe… Bad@ass… I thought the same thing about the music though – it just didn’t correlate for me. I was hoping for a little more electric guitar to go along w/ the costume, but hey…. I’m not in charge… which is a shame… 😉

    Favorite line of the show was when Christi said, “I don’t have a problem area, I AM A PROBLEM!” – Christi is the sh*t!!!

  • http://twitter.com/lukasiakpack Allison

    The funniest part is that Asia’s mom is named Christi too (but I think its a different spelling). I missed your recaps, your as funny as usual!

  • http://twitter.com/heidi_c88 Heidi Creamer

    Ugh. You shouldn’t have asked for my opinion of Asia.
    It’s wrong of me to thing badly about a little girl, but her and her mother are TERRIBLE!
    She had the worst little attitude and throws screaming fits.
    Remember how Abby always said that Chloe has an attitude and runs her mouth, blah blah blah?! Well, evidently these are her redeeming qualities in Abby’s eyes!
    Apparently Abby loves how much attitude she has, and her “face”!
    I’m sure Abby will compare her “face” to Maddie’s “face” and tell the rest of the girls that they can’t compare!
    Also, Asia is like 7, and doesn’t have good technique, yet Abby loves her! Again, because of “the face”!
    Anyways, enough ranting about this child. Really, I know I shouldn’t talk about children, but this is one kid that I’m not a fan of!

    Also, love your articles! I always LOL (seriously. I laught out loud).

  • http://twitter.com/nrskim Kim Tauscheck

    This was the most boring episode ever. Well, OK, besides watching Abbie go on a date, watching Melissa try on wedding dresses (although Christi saying how it’s her 3rd wedding, isn’t this a little over the top? Cracked me up!) I’m getting tired of all the boring filler scenes. I thought Mackenzie looked great, as always. Maddie’s “wonderful face” to me always looks like she either is taking a dump, smells a bad Taco Bell fart, or has dog crap on her shoe. Same face every freaking time and it’s crap. (See what I did there?) Nia BELONGED at the top of the pyramid! She ruled that group dance and because of her Rosa Parks, they beat Cathy. She has become quite the badass lately. Love her, but Abby just doesn’t give her the credit. Chloe looked and danced great! I’m so glad she had a solo, she deserves it! But we know she will be at the bottom of the pyramid because of her “changing the dance”. Kendall bores me. When she or Maddie dance (who also bores me and her arrogance is horrible) I can fast forward on DVR. YAWN! I swear Melissa is knocked up. So many times this season her belly is like WHOA! I think they are bringing this Asia chick in because they know this season is so boring. They tried Sophia, but her mom didn’t go crazy like they hoped. So on to the next one!
    Your blog rules! I feel lost when you don’t blog! No one else shares my twisted thoughts so perfectly!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    I totally agree with you. I just can not stand watching Asia’s pouty face and her so called fierce attitude. I want to put her in a ballet class until she changes , okay, everything. Mackenzie is charming and adorable. This kid is annoying and needs a time out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    Did anyone else want to duct tape Abby’s mouth at the end of the show? Eat crow Abby and admit that Mackenzie was great in the dance and the costumes were fine and you were wrong. I will have a fit if Asia drops in and takes away any of Mackenzie’s dances or parts in a group dance. Asia’s mom has no taste and that kid will end up dancing on a table in Las Vegas due to mommy dearest. And did anyone hear something about Abby preserving her dog? Now that really is gross.

  • Kayla

    I need you to update. OMG please. I haven’t been on twitter, so I can’t watch you live tweet. Throw me a bone.

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