So I was trying to figure out why I’m so burnt out on writing this show.  I think it’s because there’s no end in sight.  I checked around online, and if Wikipedia is to be believed, WE’RE ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THIS SEASON.  Good God.  No wonder the moms complain about so much filming.  I would too.  Anyways, on with the recap.

Previously on Dance Moms:  Cathy says they beat ALDC, Cathy subsequently gets beaten by ALDC, Nia was the best Rosa Parks since Rosa Parks was Rosa Parks, and Douchey Dad was still a douche.

LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!  I know, right?  It’s awesome.

In come the girls and their mothers to the studio.  The girls won last week, and Abby is happy about this, especially because Cathy had to sit there and see it.  This week they’re going to Michigan for competition.

Pyramid time!  Brooke’s at the bottom for having no idea what to do during the dance, and talking to “Rosa Parks” during the dance.  Because of this, Abby has decided that Brooke needs a break and won’t be going with them to competition this weekend.  But she still has to go to all her rehearsals, which is total bullshit.  Worst break ever.  Out goes Brooke.

Next is Mackenzie.   Booooooo.  Abby is mad at Mackenzie for both not dancing and not resting her foot when she should have been.  Then it’s Nia, who was… outstanding?  But she’s fifth place on the pyramid?  Abby tells her Rosa Parks would be very proud.  And Rosa Parks’ pride only gets her fifth?  Weak.

Rounding out the bottom of the pyramid is Kendall.  She got second place with her solo, so naturally she’s fourth place on the pyramid.  Chloe is next, but hell, at least she’s on the pyramid.  Then it’s Paige in second place, with Maddie of course rounding out the top.  Boring.  Would Rosa Parks be proud of her?  Doubt it.

Kendall gets another solo this week, which will work on her stamina.  And she makes her jog in place.  Sure.

Chloe also gets a solo finally, and she’s pumped.  and of course Maddie gets a solo.  Or does she?  She gets a duet with Mackenzie.  A Maddenzie duet!  Called “Run From Mother.”

The group routine is a surprise, apparently, but she tells them it’s called “Gold Digger.”  So the moms go upstairs and Abby teaches them what a Gold Digger is.  Chloe seems very enlightened by this, like, “Oh, so that’s what I’m supposed to call it.”  This dance will have some Fosse moves, so it’ll be all broadway and jazzy and what not.  Musical theater kinda stuff, if SYTYCD has taught me anything.

Upstairs, the moms notice a little something different about her.  There’s a ring on her finger!  Now technically, I’m not sure what’s different, because she wore her wedding ring months before she got married anyway.  But regardless, apparently she’s married.  On a Monday night.  And told no one.  Romantic?  Strange?  A combination?  Kelly knew, but not because she was invited, but because Paige was invited.  What the?  She’s weird.

Downstairs, the “guest” is here.  “Surprise!!” says the guest.  “Ummmm…..” says everyone in the studio.  No one knows who this chick is, but apparently she’s Rachelle Rak, a “dear, longtime friend” of Abby’s.  Apparently she’s from Pittsburgh and is currently in the Flashdance Broadway show.  She plays Tess, and with a little help from Google I found that Tess is “a veteran flashdancer and mentor to the main character, Alex.”  So there’s that.  She’ll be choreographing the number this week.

Rachelle drops her coat and is sporting a leotard underneath.  These don’t look good on anyone.  Put them on the hottest woman (or man, for that matter) in the world, and you’re still going to have an 80s workout video.  It’s just not good.

The moms think it’s a bit weird that Abby is letting someone else choreograph, since she’s such a control freak.  Being a bit Cathy-like?  Hm.

Downstairs, all of a sudden Rachelle just flips over and flings her head around tries to get all sexy-looking, but still strikes me as unfortunately unappealing.  Sorry, chick.

Abby is excited for the girls to learn Rachelle’s style, but she’s also worried that they’re not going to learn the dance in time.  Then Rachelle teaches the girls to be pigeon-toed, and Abby looks even more disturbed.  It’s the beginning of a downward spiral.