Speed-Dating with a 50-Yard Line Girl – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on March 6, 2013 · 10 comments

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Time for the duet to perform now.  This dance is kind of lame, and Nia dances way better than Kendall, in my opinion.  the whole dance is just kind of “meh,” though.  Jill thinks it was good and hopes Abby thinks so too.

Now we have Maddie’s solo.  She does good, as always.  The chick’s got skills, no doubt.  It brings Melissa to tears.  Abby thinks she has the whole competition sewed up.

Back in the dressing room, Christi sarcastically tells Jill that all that extra work paid off.  then she turns to Holly and tells her Nia did just as well without the secret lessons.  Then Christi tells Jill that it was bullshit that Jill humiliated her by kicking her out of the limo.  Jill then asks why she gets the blame for all of it when the rest of the moms were there too.  Ummm, maybe because you were the one who talked to Abby and then went back and told Christi to get out?  That might be why.

Kelly brings up the real underlying point, which is that all this behind-the-back crap doesn’t feel very team-like.  Jill says she doesn’t do anything behind their backs.  You know, except for everything she’s done this episode.

Group Dance time.  It’s a really purty dance.  They do well.  Of course the story doesn’t look like anything, but it’s a good dance, nonetheless.  In other news, the first line of the song makes me think of that old “All or Nothing” song by O-Town, but quickly transforms into something that sounds like Andrea Bocelli.

Abby tells us how the crowd loved it and everyone tells her so.  She’s not so sure about it, though.

Awards time!  Second place junior award… Mackenzie!  Robbed, but I’ll take second.

Side note – I just noticed this and someone pointed it out to me on Twitter last night.  Did anyone else hear the weird chipmunk voice when Melissa just cheered for Mackenzie when she won that award?  That was effing weird.

Now junior solos.  Second place?  Maddie.  Oooooooooooh.  Abby is pissed.

Junior duet/trios.  Fifth place?  Yup.  There’s Kendall and Nia.  Yikes.

So now it’s time for the group dance awards.  Third place?  Some group.  Second place?  ALDC.  Ouch.  We know Abby will be so happy now.  “Biggest loser on the stage.”  Ugh.

Abby walks into the dressing room with a weird mouth-breathing look on her face that quickly turns into contempt.  Abby tells them all that they have to get better, and maybe some people need a break.  Not sure what that means.  The one thing they should have taken out of this?  “Do you love to dance?” (pan camera to Brooke looking down and eating a chip.)  Excellent timing.  So Abby is pissed and leaves, and that’s where it ends.

So did this episode do anything for you?  The next two weeks we get two hour episodes.  God help me.  I’ll be writing forever.  Someone should pay me.  If one of you could get on making that happen, that would be swell.

As always, thanks for reading, and make sure to follow me on Twitter @sgwwgs where I live tweet during the show.  Leave me a comment below!

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  • http://twitter.com/Kris10Parsons44 Kristen Parsons

    I’m sorry, but “the mom gets sick, the man falls secretly in love with her, and the mom begs him to take care of her daughter” sounds suspiciously like Les Mis to me…

  • polifkaroad

    I am so glad I discovered your blog. Even though I watched the show, this recap is hilarious. i can’t wait for your two hour review.

  • Hayley

    My absolute favorite part of the episode was when Kelly made a comment up in the viewing booth near the beginning about how Abby shouldn’t wear her “Shamu Costume” (black and white tracksuit) on a date…couldn’t stop laughing!

  • Dance mom Ashley

    Love your recaps! Don’t ever stop. It makes me laugh that my straight husband who watches dance moms notices some of the same stuff you do that I would never see!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002198367567 Linda Allen

    Great post! I gave up on the show but I can’t quit you! Is Kelly divorced?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    LOL!!! You are right. But it was hard to see Brooke as the mom and Maddie as the daughter, I never would have figured out what this routine was suppose to be about as everyone looked like they were getting married that day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    Yes, she did look like Shamu!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    Did the preview of the next show look like the girls were in the army? And doing a hip hop number? As Maddie said, they do not hip or hop. Which makes me think they are going to suck as a group dance. I predict a whole lot of yelling and name calling for the next episode.

  • http://twitter.com/amaluu Amaluu

    I love this freaking blog. I am unnaturally obsessed with this show but I have some unpopular opinions … one being that I really liked the new blood on the show. I’m so tired of the Maddie vs. Chloe nonsense and the same old storyline being re-hashed. I liked having new characters but don’t want them to get rid of the original group. Would love to see more of their rivals from other schools maybe, or meet more characters from the rest of ALDC. Dunno. Also please just keep letting Mackenzie talk on camera. Srsly.

  • http://twitter.com/amaluu Amaluu

    Someone on twitter commented about how they keep walking around their house like the ALDC girls walk on and off stage. I laughed for like half an hour just imagining it.

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