Every Dog Has Its Day – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on February 27, 2013 · 19 comments

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There’s something about that first mowing of your grass after winter that makes you think that just maybe your lawn isn’t quite as shitty as you think it is.  So as I sit here smelling of freshly mowed grass and my dog’s crap, what better is there to do than to write a recap of last night’s Dance Moms for you all?  On we go.

Previously on Dance Moms:  Chloe and Christi were “suspended,” Christi and Kelly hate each other (and we all hate it), and Abby ate a child.

LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!  Word.

So we’re at ALDC and in walk the girls and the moms, but no Abby.  Christi has the idea we all had in college, which is that if the teacher doesn’t show up for a certain amount of time, you get to leave.  It’ll never be known if that’s a real thing or not, I’m pretty sure.

But eventually in waddles Abby, and she looks super bummed?  What’s wrong?  Broadway Baby died.  In case you don’t actually watch the show and you read this blog for some reason, Broadway Baby is… er, was… Abby’s dog.

Now let me preface this whole recap with this – It sucks losing a pet.  I lost a dog couple years back, and it’s enough to even bring a tear to squirt out of my soul-less eyeballs.  But we’re also talking about Abby here.  The same Abby who treats everyone around her like a piece of Broadway Baby’s shit.  So as I make fun of the situation, this is where I’m coming from.  It sucks, but it’s Abby.

Anyway, she breaks the news to the group and everyone is all down about it now.  Even Christi says how she knows how hard it is.  Christi having sympathy for Abby?  Weird.  Apparently the dog had been lethargic, and eventually died of having a horrible name.  Or kidney failure, depending on who you want to believe.  But the dog was like a thousand years old (or 16, which I’m pretty sure is 1000 in dog years), so it’s not really a surprise that the dog went to the doggy afterlife.

So Abby is here to push through, and they’re going to go to St. Louis for a competition this weekend.

Pyramid time!  Paige is the very bottom.  What?  Undeserving.  Next is Brooke.  Yikes, a Hyland base.  Rounding out the bottom is Mackenzie, because Abby though he doing the same choreography as a 14 year old was great.  So… she put her on the bottom?  Sure.

Next is Kendall, who apparently is still on this show.  She seems to have faded to the background over the past couple episodes.  Then it’s Nia, who is all of a sudden front and center on the show.  Sweet.  Maddie is of course at the top, and barf.

Oh, and Chloe is still “suspended,” although she’s still in every group number.  Okay.

Speaking of group numbers, the group number this week will be “My Dream Will Be Your Dream,” which is an epic love story.  Abby thinks this will help her remember her dog.  That’s normal.  She already has the costumes all good and ready to go.  Unfortunately, the dance is already bullshit because Mackenzie won’t be in it.

Also this week, Nia will get a solo.  She’s on a roll.  “Breaking My Heart” is the name.  Maddie gets a solo too, because she’s effing Maddie.

And a reminder to the group from Abby:  St. Louis is home of Kaya (or Black Patsy) and Nicaya.  Abby is taking them there, and yet she begs the moms, “No Chaos.”  It’s like putting a cake in front of Abby and begging her not to eat it.  Come on.

So the girls begin their rehearsal.  The dance is about some chick who’s diseased and is worried her disease will take her from the man she loves.  Which is true if it’s an STD.  Right?  I mean, would you continue to be with a chick who had AIDS?  Especially if you didn’t give her your AIDS?

As they rehearse, Abby just breaks down and leaves.  Kelly is like, “Dude, it’s just a dog.”  Oh, I’ve missed you, Mean Kelly.

The moms discuss this, and Melissa brings up the idea of the girls making a card for her.  The Jill suggests they dedicate the dance to her.  Then Jill tells us something that I can’t even hear because she’s wearing a stupid hat.

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  • http://twitter.com/EmilyF725 Emily

    I was ready to boycott if Christi and Kelly didn’t make up. Just glad it was Kelly that she told to “wrap your arms around me and squeeze”. If she ever says that to Abby, we might all wanna start writing her eulogoy because Abby will purposely squeeze the life out of her.

  • Christy and Bri Xandrick

    Oh Straight Guy! Yet another doozy! Yes, we are thrilled that Kelly and Christi are buddies again! I am just hoping we can get back to moms and kids and dancing. These vindictive road trips to meet up with interstate rivals are too made up and over produced and just plain exhausting!
    But loving the live tweets with you and the recaps are awesome! Keep it up!

  • Jessica Montague

    I’m just glad you mentioned Jill’s dumb hat. Well done.

  • Shannon

    I feel like these episodes get more and more pointless. My husband, who often does the pretending-not-to-watch watching thing, was legit appalled that the entire episode centered around drama created by a dog. Can’t say I disagree… Glad Christy and Kelly are friends, though last week’s tweets between them were weird if they’re cool again. Great recap as usual though!

  • MegRuss626

    I was looking on a dance moms forum and totally found an excerpt from Black Patsy’s fb page and sadly, I’m totally buying her story…..

    Posted February 28, 2013 at 11:35 am
    “Kaya Uncesnored” Her FB post…

    Had to make this status PUBLIC)
    This will be my very LAST time commenting about Dance Moms. While I don’t feel the need to defend myself or my actions…I would like to set some facts straight and answer the million questions that have flooded my inbox:
    -All the moms (and Abby) curse on Dance Moms…why am I “ghetto” for doing so too? Don’t label me because I don’t talk “white’ enough. I’m from East St Louis and that’s how we sound. One’s dialect doesn’t define their level of education neither does the use of profanity. I am human & subject to getting angry just like everyone else…..
    -We never auditioned for Dance Moms. We were asked to appear on the show because of Nicaya’s reputation for being a great dancer & my reputation for being a “stage mom’. We were also noticed by the Lifetimr execs when Nicaya auditioned for Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition and made the top 20 (but not the final 14). For those of you saying she just a.mediocre dancer…..has YOUR dancer accomplished as much?
    -While the first episodes appeared on were unscripted, this NEW season IS scripted and fake! The power of editing will amaze you.
    -We were NOT.disqualified from the competition. I have her score sheet and award to prove that she tied with Nia. I also have a copy of the email that I sent to the producer, Bryan Stinson, asking that he make it appear as though we were kicked out because we were not able to stay for awards. We left early because we wanted to attend our studio’s holiday party and a candle light vigil for a fellow dancer who died the day before (you can that we were wearing Clare’s photo on our shirts at the competition)
    -While I don’t deny having a potty mouth, the producers nearly FORCE us to altercations with each other (for ratings of course). They will keep you on the set until they get “good” material. If you want to go home (because you’re not paid per hour) you raise hell so you can go home! You are bound by a contract to finish your episode. It can take a few hours or a few weeks (and you’re not paid for your time). So if you want to go home…you give the people what they want.
    -Abby does not compete at real competitions. If you watch her shows closely, the same announcer is always at.competitions. He owns In10sity Dance. He works for Abby and his job is to arrange competitions in different cities for ALDC to compete at. He changes.the name in each city (Xpression Dance, In10sity, etc). They search REPUTABLE competition websites for their competitions results in each city. Then they invite the lower scoring studios to competitions making it easier for ALDC to win. When they came to St Louis, they didn’t invite Renee Johnson’s (who is a personal friend of Abby), Excel, NV Dance Force or even Charmette because they don’t want real competition. No offense to any studio who attended the competition, but this is how they ensure that ALDC wins (although they’ll occassionally let someone else win to make it seem fair).
    -With the exception of Mackenzie, all of the girls are between 11-13yrs old…..yet none of then compete in teen aside from Brooke. Unless another studio questions their ages and asks for birth certificates, they’ll keep getting away with lying about being 9yrs old. How has Maddie been 9 since the shows premiered 2 years ago?
    -ALDC has been banned from reputable competitions (Showbiz, Primetime, Masquerade, NYCDA, etc) because they lie about their wins. Any real competitive dancer knows that their can be mutiple 1st place scores. And ONE dancer cannot win the WHOLE competition. He/she can only win her age group/category. Also, a real competition would have far more dancers onstage for awards and in the audience. This proves that they put together last minute competitions in each city and very few studios attend.
    – We never moved to Pittsburgh to attend ALDC. Once again….we were invited, we wanted the money, enough said.
    -Nicaya has danced since she was 3yrs old (at Carol Christy School of Dance). She started competing at age 6 (Best Dance & Talent Center). At age 9 she moved to Charmette Academy of Dance and Acrobatics where she has received advanced training that allowed her to win multiple awards, scholarships, an opportunity to dance with the world renowed Joffrey Ballet, and enabled her to be recognized by Lifetime to begin with. She is a well rounded dancer who does tap, ballet, hip hop, jazz and contemporary/modern dance. It is MY choice that she doesn’t do acro.
    -The name Black Patsy came from my mom who jokingly said I act like Patsy Ramsey when it comes to my kids and their activities. I push them to be their best and put all my time, money, and energy into ensuring that they succeed in all that they do. I don’t think JonBenet Ramsey’s demise is a laughing matter. Lifetime heard about my moniker and thought it was witty so we ran with it.
    -Any further questions, comments, concerns about Black Patsy/Kaya/Nicaya and Dance Moms will ONLY be answered TODAY! Tomorrow my REAL life starts again and I have no further dealings with the trash that IS, Dance Moms.
    (And for those who hate me or my daughter….stay off my page and KISS MY A$$! You’re jealous because YOU and YOUR “mediocre” dancer didn’t get the same opportunity/national recognition. Whether you agree with my behavior or not….it served it’s purpose. My daughter’s name is out there. The world knows she has at least an ounce of talent, and YOU can’t say the same).
    Next????

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    Ooooh, interesting. Thanks for the post!

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    Yeah, I agree about the tweets thing. I was thinking the same thing. But women do hold grudges forever, so who knows.

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    It was really dumb.

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    My favorite mother daughter combo (besides Christi and her girls of course)! Yeah, “exhausting” is a good word for it.

  • http://twitter.com/sgwwgs SGWWGS

    If that tension went on much longer, I was going to stop watching. Who am I kidding? I was just going to hate myself more for continuing to watch.

  • http://twitter.com/JenniferRichele Jenny B

    You sir, are hilarious!!

  • Rachel

    I assume the producers of the show request them to “play it up” since the show we see is recorded 7ish weeks before it airs. in a recent interview of Christi from the Huffington Post, she explains that she and Kelly are great, so no worries.

  • http://www.facebook.com/srosenbauer Sara Rosenbauer

    So there’s Nicaya, Niyala, Nia, and Kaya.. huh! I’m confused! Black Jonbenet.. omg dying. And on the “retarded” thing…some people are just too “politically correct” *rolls
    eyes* I lost a friend over calling something “gay” once and she was a lesbian…so
    sue me.

    What I didn’t understand is why it was okay for Black Patsy to say Kendall sucked to Jill but when Jill said Nikaya sucked it’s sooo offensive and uncalled for and reason enough to explode massively.. Hypocrite! I absolute can’t stand her and I hope
    she is never shown again on this show. Kendall has improved massively and I
    disagree that Nia dances circles around her (sorry). Too bad for Nikaya having
    her solo pulled…that’s what you get for having an uneducated, rude and awful
    mother!

    “Next week, it looks like Abby will be speed dating, which
    will be the first time “Abby” and “speed” have been used together.” LOL!!!!

  • debra roland

    ooooo, the gutter snipe is trying to defend herself. Sorry BP but if you think that exposure helped your daughter, you are mistaken. Your daughter was shown on tv as cussing, making fun of others” as bad as you were. YOU said “go hood on yo ass”. Lifetime didn’t force you to do one thing. The truth of it is that you are blind jealous of the ALDC, especially of Holly and Nia. Crawl back under your rock trash.

  • debra roland

    Yes! Somebody, please, tell Jill to lose the hats. She looked like a pimp. :)

  • fred burrows

    That’s pretty much how it went down as I recall. I did notice that Christi didn’t live tweet this week so naturally I was crushed as I had no words or phrases for the drinking game. Fun read it was .

  • http://www.facebook.com/cassandra.sheppardprice Cassandra Sheppard-Price

    When I told my boyfriend that Abby’s dog had died, he responded that Abby must have eaten it…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Davis/100000645975537 Lisa Davis

    I believe her. No reality show is a documentary. I am sure they chose people who are colorful to add drama and that they might invent competitions or go to really small ones where their chance of winning is much higher.

  • cccccc

    hey

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