Mockery!! – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on January 23, 2013 · 8 comments

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Jill keeps saying that Melissa lied right to her face, which I find strange, since she’s just believing Abby right away.  I wouldn’t believe either of them, personally.

Let’s talk costumes, lady.  Abby wants the girls to look like they’ve been through some shit.  It’s not about where they’ve been, or where they’re going, but more about the voyage home.  Holly says exactly what I’m thinking, which is, “How the hell can you emigrate home?”  Abby smart.

So it’s time to head to the DTI competition, which I discovered is not the same as DTF.  Whoops.

Jackie (Sophia’s mom) texts Abby while they’re on the bus to inform her that Sophia won’t be there, but Good Luck!!  Abby isn’t even pissed.  I don’t get it.  It’s weird.  I mean… was she going to learn the dance in the dressing room or something anyway?  It makes no damn sense.  Kelly says she should have just had Brooke in there in the first place, because she freakin’ should have.  But Abby’s head is so far up Sophia’s munchkin ass that she can’t see such things.

The moms (sans Melissa) brainstorm about this whole Jill and Melissa drama (which really shouldn’t be the focal point of a whole episode… it’s just not that interesting) and decide that Jill should bring it up in front of Melissa and Abby at the same time and see what happens.

They arrive at the venue, and Abby tells them the girls out there screaming at them are because of one thing”  “National. Champions.”  Not so much, though.  They’re out there screaming because of something else: “Dance. Moms.”

Paige rehearses her solo in the dressing room, and Abby tells her to quit doing the shit that she told her not to do.  We’ll hope for the best.

Abby also tells Mackenzie that she also made a “mockery” of her solo last time too.  Jeebus, lady.

Mackenzie’s solo is up first, and it’s so goddamn cute that I want to hug a puppy until it hates me.  Sweet as lemonade indeed.

Paige is about to have her solo and WOAH.  There’s Kelly’s boobs.  Hello there.

Paige kicks her solos ass.  Most excellent.  She’s getting better, for sure.  Kelly and her boobs think Paige did a great job.

They get back to the dressing room, and Kelly hopes Abby doesn’t say anything, because she’s trying to be a good girl and bite her tongue.  Then the moms realize that this is the same venue at which Kelly called Abby a whore so matter of factly in the past.  Beautiful.

In walks Abby.  She thought Paige was “wonderful.”  Woohoo!!  Apparently she thought nothing about Mackenzie?  Mkay.

An awkward silence takes over the room, and Jill knows it’s time to bring up the drama.  “So what happened, anyway?  What did Melissa say?”  Melissa denies it again, and Abby brings up how Melissa’s ex-husband told Abby that Melissa is always nice to Abby’s face but then rips her when she’s not around her.  She’s a “love the one your with” person according to Abby.

And I guess that’s the end of that?

They rehearse the duet and Jill starts telling Abby the things to point out that Maddie is doing wrong, because Abby will only point out Kendall’s flaws.  Abby actually makes me laugh when she tells Maddie she can take a private with Jill next week.  Nice.

This prompts Kendall to cry and get mad at her mom, which may have become my favorite thing on this show.  I love it.  Kendall is the shit.  “Can you stop?? You’re making it stressful!!”  I love it.  “Why do you have to do this??”  Nothing will ever beat “I hate you!” though.  So teen-like.

Time for the actual duet performance.  Maddie peps her up in the wings and they go out and do the routine.  I think they do pretty well on it.  Kendall is good.  Maddie is obviously better, because she’s effing Maddie, but Kendall holds her own.  All in all it was really good.

Back in the dressing room Jill is still complaining and Abby shuts her down.  Gotta agree with Abby this time.  Until Abby says “Kiss my butt,” and Jill responds, “No thank you,” which is an exchange I haven’t heard since I was in 5th grade.

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  • Hope Crawford

    This recap is tidy, yo. Lol.
    I’m actually beginning to like Maddie, which is totally weird because I have always disliked her. She’ll never be as awesome as Chloe, though.

  • Allison

    Love your recaps! You love Chloe and Mackenzie, starting to like Kendall, think Nia is overlooked, and you don’t like Maddie(‘s facial expressions), but what do you think of Brooke and Paige? You never really clearify.

  • Larissa Hipp

    It’s not just you. The show definitely needs to pick up.

  • Sara Rosenbauer

    Nicee recap again :) Poor Kendall was all I thought the whole time and I also thought “where are Chloe and Christi” because they were almost nonexistent Nia-style the whole episode. But apparently next week it starts to pick up! Woo!

  • Mary Beth Solomon

    This episode was mostly meh…the drama llama is getting so old. Abby will never admit that her name wouldn’t be out there without the girls and the moms. She totally believes that it’s the other way around. I think she keeps creating more drama so that people will continue to recognize her name, but in doing so she not only hurts herself but makes herself look like a total bitch as a teacher. She’s a very jealous, bitter lady who never got her time in the spotlight. Would love to see her genuinely happy for the girls but I won’t hold my breath.

  • DM addict

    New reader – and seriously missing your recaps!

  • Lisa Davis

    How did I miss this review? I remember thinking that Abby was making a fuss over a girl who was not there and that she did not know what immigration was about. The costumes were so bad that the poor girls looked like it was Halloween. Mackenzie was so cute and saved the day. I liked the duet and all the drama was really boring. Seemed even more staged than usual. But that rat scene was GROSS! Holly was smart to get out of there. Ever hear of the plague Abby?

  • RadRose

    I’m watching the reunion show last night and I found your recaps by searching ‘why does the music on dance moms always suck?’ – lol. I’m sure it’s some kind of copyright drama but I’m so over the shitty unheard of songs these kids dance to. I also HATE this producer who hosts the reunion shows. Someone needs to explain to him that he is NOT Andy Cohen! Ugh.

    Anyways, hilarious post. Mad tidy.

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