A lot of drama that wasn’t really drama in this episode. I don’t have a ton to say about it, s0 let’s get right to it!
Previously on Dance Moms: Melissa was a suck up, Abby cut Brooke from the group dance, and Abby took credit for a dancer being good that she didn’t even teach.
LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!! Dammit. Cathy is still on the introduction. Someone tell the Dance Moms people that I’m unhappy with this, since apparently they don’t have the sense to read my recaps themselves.
Pyramid time! Last place is… Chloe? Horseshit. Apparently she forgot her choreo last week, but I don’t remember that. I drank A LOT last weekend, though, so it may have happened. Christi is actually okay with Abby’s criticism in this case, because she thinks Chloe needs to remember her shit as well.
Next to last is Nia, because, “Oh wait? Nia is still in this group? Hm.” says Abby.
Mackenzie is third to last. Why? Because Abby’s prop sucked balls and Mackenzie gets pinned for it. Remember last week when the carpet wouldn’t unroll? Yeah, that’s what Abby says she’ll never forgive Mackenzie for. Apparently Mackenzie made a “mockery” of the routine. Nevermind the fact that they never practiced with the stupid carpet in the first place. And now Abby says Mackenzie won’t be in the group numbers going forward until “it’s appropriate” for her, whatever the hell that means.
Paige is next and Abby thinks she sucked last week. Go figure. She calls it “mediocre,” but we all know that means “shitty” to her.”
Maddie is next, and Abby calls her out for having Sophia’s hair, which is actually funny. Abby tells her to worry about having Sophia’s moves and not the hair. Nice.
Kendall is second, and not much is said. Sophia is at the top. Not Maddie for once. I’ll be damned. But where the hell is she, anyway? Los Angeles, shooting a movie. I think it’s called, “Girl Who Spins Like Top” or something like that. Sounds Native American. A broadway spin on Dances With Wolves, maybe?
This week the girls will be going to North Carolina. Wait… who wasn’t in the pyramid? Brooke. Dammit. Abby asks her where she was this weekend. She was doing schoolwork. God forbid. Abby says she’s not dancing this week.
The dance this week is called “Voyage Home,” and the girls will be immigrants. Thank God she didn’t bust out her usual ignorant racism and say anything about a slave ship.
Paige is doing a solo this week. Interesting. So is Mackenzie. Woohoo!! Then a duet with Maddie and Kendall. Hm.
The girls start warming up and the moms go up to the voyeur booth. Since Jackie isn’t there and Kelly is back, they can take their all of their rightful seats back.
Abby is planning on Sophia coming back, and pretty much has the whole dance centered around her. Go figure. Brooke runs the music and Mackenzie pretends to be Sophia. But she’s way cuter and doesn’t talk like a chipmunk that sucked some helium.
Now all of a sudden Abby has changed her mind, and the group dance is “very lightly” about immigration, and now more just about getting across the border. I live in South Texas, so I know plenty of people who can tell you how to do that.
Melissa keeps calling Sophia “Sophie,” and I can’t help but wonder if she’s doing it just to spite her, or if it’s just some cute little nickname that she’s trying to get to catch on. I’m going with spite. She’s not a trend-setter. Not like me, when I got everyone to start using “tidy” as a word for something cool. “That shit’s tidy, dude!” Okay, that didn’t catch either, but feel free to use it.
Kelly is mad (rightfully) because Brooke is just sitting out and Abby isn’t even trying to get better. How the eff is she supposed to get better?
Melissa suddenly realizes Maddie’s hair is in fact like Sophia’s. Drrrrr. Jill asks if she thinks Maddie is pissed that she doesn’t have a solo, and with the fakest smile ever, Melissa says, “No way, dude. She’s pumped that she gets to dance with your shitty daughter.” Not verbatim, but that’s what her face said. She did say, “Tickled pink,” though.