Just Like the Good Old Days! Sort of. – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on January 16, 2013 · 13 comments

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So they all dance and Abby tells the moms that they can’t choose because they can’t be objective.  Drrrrrr.  Abby is mad at Christi because apparently Christi won’t even look at Sophia.  She tells all of the girls other than Sophia they’re pretty terrible, but Brooke is the terriblest and she gets cut.

Holly says the week has just been tense, and that pointing fingers is pointless.  Abby replies, “Your fault, your fault, your fart, your fault,” and I giggle like a third grader.  Abby says she doesn’t need to belittle the girls because they do it on their own.  “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!” says Christi.  Hell yeah!

It’s now competition day and the girls walk into their dressing room.  Random thought, but this competition is even in Ohio, home of Candy Apples, and Cathy is still nowhere to be found.  TAKE HER OFF THE INTRO!!

The girls get dressed, and Abby is hoping that all eyes will be on Sophia.  Abby rehearses the Bajeezus out of Sophia while Chloe rehearses in the corner alone.  Shit’s weak.

Sophia is up first and this little chick look like she dancing on ice.  It’s insane.  Why do I already hate her?  I don’t know.  She’s really good.  Not much emotion, though.

Chloe is up next, and she nails it in Chloe Lukasiak fashion.  She may not have all of the technical ability of Sophia, but she;s damn close and actually makes people feel something.

Abby thinks Chloe just did “pretty well.” Chloe thinks she let her mom down.  So sad.  Christi tells her that she didn’t and consoles her.  Abby walks in and says everyone is freaking out about Sophia and has one fix.  She says nothing to Chloe.  How sweet.

Group number time, and the girls come back into the dressing room with some awful freaking hair.  Kelly breaks down because Brooke isn’t there and it makes her sad to go through all of this without her.  (tear)

Apparently they’re doing this dance and they’ve never even tried to use their prop, which is a red carpet.  My cute as shit little Mackenzie tries to roll it out on stage, but it just won’t unravel.  But she’s so damn cute.  But have no fear, the announcer breaks the awkward silence by saying, “Don’t worry, the same thing happened at my wedding!”  HAHAHAHA!  This guy.

So they start their number and it looks like a mess, and the carpet is a wreck.  Not a fan of this one, but maybe it’s because Abby doesn’t care about anyone except She Who Creates Dance Wood.  Jill says she’ll be surprised if they even place in this competition.  Yikes.

Awards time!  First up, solos.  Fourth place??  Some chick.  Third place??  Chloe.  Bullshit.  Second place??  Some other chick.  And First??  Goddamn Sophia.

Then there’s some awards that the judges make up to give to particular dancers that they like.  Chloe gets the “Expressive Heart” award. which is sweet.  Awww.  Christi says that her job is not to just raise her daughter be someone she loves, but also someone she likes, and she likes the person Chloe is.  Say what you will, but Christi is a good mom.

And time for the group awards.  Where will they place??  FIRST!  BAM!  Suck it.

Even unprepared and with shitty props and choreography.  Eat some of that, Abby.

Not sure if this is supposed to make me laugh or cry, but Chloe tells her mom that she’s glad she got third and not second, because that way Abby can’t tell her that second is the first to lose.  Hm.

Abby walks in looking so unhappy.  She says she’s glad the judges weren’t looking at all of the mistakes.  She calls out Sophia says that she was perfect, and tells Chloe she was a hot mess.  Rude.  Christi tells Abby that she pays her to make her daughter better.  If she’s not as good as Sophia, it’s a reflection on Abby.  Then Christi starts screaming at her (and gets kind of a Jewish accent for a second, which was awesome).  Abby tells her straight up that Chloe was awful, and Christi just breaks.  Instead of fighting back she cries.  “What are we doing to our kids??”

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  • Lucy

    If Abby really wants to do anything for Sophia.. Put her in a ballet/technique class.. The only people who start their turns like Sophia are people who can’t dance. For all of the tricks she can do (yes tricks- that’s no dancing), her technique is not great. Chloe’s is much better even if she can’t do the things that wow the judges like Sophia.

  • http://twitter.com/JubilationBells DM

    Is it bad that as soon as they started talking about props/trouble with props I thought, Why don’t they just paint Vivi red and have her lay on the floor? It would make up for them being too cheap to change the intro.

  • http://twitter.com/EmilyF725 Emily

    Dance wood! Perfect. I just snorted in laughter at my desk. Worth it. And in Christi’s defense, she warned us on twitter that she was going to be a bitch in this episode. I actually feel really bad for Sophia. She’s an amazing dancer but she’s missing out on so much of her childhood by only going to “school” 2 hours a week and spending the rest of her time training.

  • sgwwgs

    Valid point.

  • sgwwgs

    A day that I make someone snort is a good day.

  • sgwwgs

    Yeah, I kind of agree. She’s crazy good at what she does, but I feel it’s not really “art.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/hope.crawford.39 Hope Crawford

    The part about home schooled kids, I died laughing. That’s right. My heart stopped and I literally had to be revived…. Nah, just kidding. Probably my favorite recap of yours so far! Keep em’ coming!

  • http://twitter.com/swimmomlori Lori Lender

    she just spins like a top…

  • Eden Marie

    I don’t know if you saw this, but Angel Armas from Dancemoms Miami twitted this yesterday, “Yeah @Dancemomchristi she sure did talk about @ItsMiaDiaz #dancemoms” Soooo Jackie was lying!!

  • Flying

    There’s just something that really bothers me about Sophia’s mother, I mean you’re investing a lot in your kid’s dance career if she only goes to school two hours a week. What if she gets an injury that means she can never dance again? Things like that happen all the time and it’s scary to think the kid has no future if the whole dance thing doesn’t work out, you can’t get a career that can support a family without at the very least a high school diploma these days.

  • http://www.facebook.com/srosenbauer Sara Rosenbauer

    I am surprised you didn’t argue about Kenzie not dancing at all in the group dance…aren’t you her overprotective father?! 😛

    One of the better episodes..Poor Chloe though..Abby saying she did awful :/

  • Lisa Davis

    I thought she said two hours Monday – Friday, which is still only 10 hours a week. If she lives in California, then she will still have to take the same standardized tests. More than likely she has a private tutor. Children are required by law to be in school so if Sophia is not learning, her home schooling will end.

  • Lisa Davis

    ROTFL!!!!

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