Just Like the Good Old Days! Sort of. – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on January 16, 2013 · 13 comments

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Chloe will also get a solo, just so Abby can “see how much she’s regressed.”  Congratulations.  Abby then tells the moms that this season is going to be different.  The moms owe her now.  Owe her besides the tons of money they pay her, apparently.

Back from commercial, the girls are now rehearsing, where Abby points at the Hylands while saying “mediocre” and Sophia while saying “OMGI’MSOINLOVE!!”

The moms are settling the “turns thing up in the booth.” She can do 58?  No, Jackie says.  More like 54. In tap shoes.  Blindfolded.  And handcuffed.  On top of a river of lava.  Without sweating.

The moms’ point about all of this is that Abby saying this new girl is way better is a reflection on Abby, since Abby has taught the girls since they were wee little lasses.  Christi calls out Jackie on being mean to some other girl that they’ve heard about, but Jackie denies it all.  We’ll see.

Chloe’s solo is “Another Girl,” which is about there being another girl who overshadows every accomplishment she gets.  Fitting.  And to top it off, she cuts Chloe’s rehearsal short to go give Sophia a private acro lesson.

Now that there’s a new favorite, Melissa is super-sucking up, along with Jill, so that she can become favorite again.  But it’s just not gonna happen, because Sophia can dance circles around these girls, at least technically.  Not to mention the RAGING DANCE WOOD.  So to get back in Abby’s good graces, they’re doing chores all around the studio.  Kelly is like, “WTF are you doing? Don’t take out the garbage!!”  Excellent.

Back up in the booth, Christi and Kelly discuss how they can haze Jackie.  Among the suggestions are blinding her and slipping her a roofie.  No joke.  Christi also says she’s been roofied, and I apologize for that.

After the commercial break, the moms are back up in the booth.  They talk about how Abby must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, because she’s super grumpy.  I don’t know how they can tell that, but sure.  Christi says Abby just needs to get laid.  NOT IT!

Jackie inquires as to if Abby is married.  Christi says that there’s no way, because even if she were thin she’s still a gigantic bitch.  Newly Nice Kelly says she actually thinks Abby is pretty (barf) but her attitude makes her ugly.  Her gigantic attitude.

Abby sees them talking and puts Gianna in the awesomely awkward position of going up to the booth to tell the moms to pay attention and stop yapping.  Good times.

They’re all rehearsing still and Maddie says how she’s jealous of Sophia.  What’s that taste like, Maddie?  I don’t know that I’ve ever tried Humble Pie before.  The moms talk about how good she is, and they find out that Sophia only goes to school two days a week.  For two hours.  Wow.

Meanwhile, Abby is telling Sophia that she going to have her teach the senior class how to do turns.  Then Sophia talks and a piece of my heart blackens and dies.

Abby goes to tell the moms that they need to do their chores and Christi tells her she needs to get the people she pays to do that crap.  Then she calls home-schooled kids stupid, which is true.  I would worry about offending home-schooled people, but they got to the fifth word of this recap and started coloring their screen with crayons.

Newly Nice Kelly tells us she thinks Christi won’t let up on Jackie and is being so mean.  SNAP OUT OF IT, KELLY!!!!

Chloe is downstairs rehearsing now, and she’s still choreographing half an hour before they get on the bus.  Swell.  Chloe feels tons of pressure now with Sophia on thee team.  She tells her mom that is sucks that Abby gets mad at them for the crap that the moms do.

Abby thinks the girls look horrible, and she calls the moms down.  She wants to cut the group number down and tells the moms that they need to “cast” the dancers for this routine.  Like there won’t be any bias here.  She also says that casting depends on what the routine is.  “If  you’re casting The Lion King, maybe the only one you’re going to keep is Nia.”  Yes.  That is racist.

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  • Lucy

    If Abby really wants to do anything for Sophia.. Put her in a ballet/technique class.. The only people who start their turns like Sophia are people who can’t dance. For all of the tricks she can do (yes tricks- that’s no dancing), her technique is not great. Chloe’s is much better even if she can’t do the things that wow the judges like Sophia.

  • http://twitter.com/JubilationBells DM

    Is it bad that as soon as they started talking about props/trouble with props I thought, Why don’t they just paint Vivi red and have her lay on the floor? It would make up for them being too cheap to change the intro.

  • http://twitter.com/EmilyF725 Emily

    Dance wood! Perfect. I just snorted in laughter at my desk. Worth it. And in Christi’s defense, she warned us on twitter that she was going to be a bitch in this episode. I actually feel really bad for Sophia. She’s an amazing dancer but she’s missing out on so much of her childhood by only going to “school” 2 hours a week and spending the rest of her time training.

  • sgwwgs

    Valid point.

  • sgwwgs

    A day that I make someone snort is a good day.

  • sgwwgs

    Yeah, I kind of agree. She’s crazy good at what she does, but I feel it’s not really “art.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/hope.crawford.39 Hope Crawford

    The part about home schooled kids, I died laughing. That’s right. My heart stopped and I literally had to be revived…. Nah, just kidding. Probably my favorite recap of yours so far! Keep em’ coming!

  • http://twitter.com/swimmomlori Lori Lender

    she just spins like a top…

  • Eden Marie

    I don’t know if you saw this, but Angel Armas from Dancemoms Miami twitted this yesterday, “Yeah @Dancemomchristi she sure did talk about @ItsMiaDiaz #dancemoms” Soooo Jackie was lying!!

  • Flying

    There’s just something that really bothers me about Sophia’s mother, I mean you’re investing a lot in your kid’s dance career if she only goes to school two hours a week. What if she gets an injury that means she can never dance again? Things like that happen all the time and it’s scary to think the kid has no future if the whole dance thing doesn’t work out, you can’t get a career that can support a family without at the very least a high school diploma these days.

  • http://www.facebook.com/srosenbauer Sara Rosenbauer

    I am surprised you didn’t argue about Kenzie not dancing at all in the group dance…aren’t you her overprotective father?! 😛

    One of the better episodes..Poor Chloe though..Abby saying she did awful :/

  • Lisa Davis

    I thought she said two hours Monday – Friday, which is still only 10 hours a week. If she lives in California, then she will still have to take the same standardized tests. More than likely she has a private tutor. Children are required by law to be in school so if Sophia is not learning, her home schooling will end.

  • Lisa Davis

    ROTFL!!!!

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