The Failed Dance Moms Redux – A Dance Moms Recap

by Matt on January 9, 2013 · 16 comments

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So.  That was…. interesting?

I don’t really know what to say about this episode except that it left me unfulfilled.  It was just kind of a cluster Funky Cold Medina of an episode.  But I guess we’ll get to all of that as we go through it.  So let’s get to it!

Last Week:  Kelly is still gone, Abby had auditions, and there’s some new wallflower mom.

LIVIN’ ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!  Phew.  That really takes it outta me.

So here we are back at the studio.  Where’s Shelley?  No one knows.  This chick probably already had enough and bailed.  But the moms aren’t having any of this crap.  They want Kelly back.  They’re gonna take a stand.

In they walk to the studio.  Straight to the bathroom?  Not sure what happened there.

So out they walk from the bathroom, and they head into the front office and sit in the waiting room.  Abby tries to spew some words out of her gigantic gullet, but to no avail.  The moms will not respond.

Ho. Ly.  Crap.

This is the biggest protest since the 99%ers strolled their stinky asses all over Zuccotti Park.  I don’t mean to exaggerate here, but this is pretty much the Civil Rights Movement again.  But with rich, white ladies.  Right white ladies who are mad at their dance teacher.

But I mean, it’s pretty much the same thing.

Anyway, Abby is pissed at the disappearance of the moms.  She calls Melissa to find out what the hell is going on, but Melissa doesn’t answer.  So Abby leaves her a menacing message about hating her kids or some crap.

Oh well, “the show must go on!”  So new mom Shelley and new girl Ally are the only girls there.  Abby rehearses Ally and Shelley comes down to tell her she doesn’t know what’s going on.  Thanks for that gem, lady.  Abby tells her that she doesn’t know what’s going on either, but that Melissa is a dummy for not bringing Maddie in.

“Do you think this is about Kelly?”  Drrrrrrrrrrr.  This Shelley…. She’s somethin’.

Abby asks Ally if she has any ideas what’s going on.  Just another blank stare.  What a mother-daughter combo.  Shelley suggests that it’s just the moms, because the kids probably have no say.  Abby retorts by saying she started her company when she was fourteen, which is totally irrelevant in this discussion, but thanks.

She says that these kids could get to dance if they wanted to without they’re parents.  They could get a ride from anyone.  Especially a creepy guy with a mustache and tinted glasses inside a windowless white cargo van.  WHEEEEE!!!

Abby is back in the foyer now, still wondering where the moms are.  She wants to do pyramid, dammit!  Psh.  Who needs pyramids?  Besides Egyptians.  And Mayans.  But they were dumb anyway (read: we’re still here in 2013).

So no one has any idea what’s going on, until finally at the end of the freakin’ day, when it’s already dark out, Abby finally sticks her head out to see all of the moms just chilling outside in one of their vans.  Melissa is actually even sitting on the ground.  Mkay.

Abby tells them they’re dumb for having this little “sit-in,” but I think it’s more of a “sit-out.”  Christi likens Abby’s appearance outside to Jurassic Park, which is totally awesome because I can picture Abby walking up and water rippling in a cup on the dashboard.   Abby tells them they’re replaced and high-tails it back inside.

Upon returning to the front desk, she calls the cops to get them to come tell the moms that they need to leave.  What a doll.

Her plan is now to call some people who auditioned last week and see who can get to the studio in one night so that they can replace the ALDC girls.  She even calls someone who she hears is “ten times better than Maddie.”  But ten times better than Maddie is just Maddie’s dance skills minus dopey faces.

In news of random filler scenes that make no difference to the plot of the show, Jill happens to randomly be driving by Candy Apples Dance Studio and decides to pull in for some unknown reason.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/srosenbauer Sara Rosenbauer

    I agree with Abby with one point. Sophia is 10 times better
    than Maddie but not just Maddie, but every dancer out there. I guess it’s what
    you get for dancing 25 hours a week and being homeschooled! Love her though.

    Scenes that wasted our time: bathroom, candy apples, Yvette
    and Hadley, any scene with the new dancers except Sophia (since she stays awhile I believe) Should have focuses more on the original’s choreographing their dance and working together as a team and planning the mall performance.

    I was surprised at Yvette and her civilized nature because
    if you watched AUDC you would know what I mean! Hadley never impressed me.

    “Abby keeps sayin “Yuge” instead of “Huge.” Why? There’s an H. It’s not the word
    “hour.” You can say the H. I promise. Do it. Dooooo iiiiiit” annoys the crap out of me! Same with “coshtumes”

    Great recap as always..let’s hope for a better episode next week and not this bore again.

  • sgwwgs

    All good points. Thanks for the comment!

  • dancemoms

    sup, dancemomfanprob here. So this blog was pretty accurate on how I felt as well. The new moms sucked and they all need to leave. Sophia is a freak of nature, but in a good way. Abby is not motivational at all, and l I’ve never been called road kill. So basically, next week should be better, I hope. Oh and one last thing. Wtf with Cathy? She needs to just stop trying.

  • sgwwgs

    Agreed! Cathy suuuuuuuucks.

  • dancemomsfanatic

    You say hour with an h? weird bc its pronounced like our…. just sayin.

  • sgwwgs

    No no no… I’m saying “huge” isn’t the same as “hour.” You say the “H” in “Huge” but not in “Hour.”

  • dancemomsfanatic

    ohh I gotchyaaa haha

  • Hope

    This episode was kinda pointless. Great review, though!

  • sgwwgs

    Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/JubilationBells DM

    This episode was just… meh. Sophia was Amazing and Ally is good but the other 2 did not impress me that much.

    I believe that this episode was filmed over the course of a few weeks. The boycott thing was actually not staged (shocking) so I think they whole deal with Candy Apples. the bathroom, the parking lot, Hadley and her dance studio, and the mall were all added in just so they could have enough footage to fill a whole hour.

    I remembered Hadley from Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition. The thing I remember most about her was that her mother was the most like the typical “crazy dance mom” as you could probably tell from seeing her here. She was good but not great. Abby was never a Hadley fan to begin with and would [rightfully] accuse her and her mother of trying to sabotage the other dancers. The show because a lot more peaceful after Hadley was eliminated because obviously her mother had to leave too.

    I am excited for next week when the real ALCD team comes back and Sophia will still be there. I really hope that Sophia and Maddie compete solos against each other! It will be much more interesting than the Maddie/Chloe “rivalry” that they’ve been forcing on us for the past 3 seasons.

  • sgwwgs

    Oooh, thanks for the info! And a comment nearly as long as my recap. Nicely done.

  • Jessica Montague

    Now I don’t know if I even want to watch it! Sounds pretty pointless and boring. Good recap, though!

  • sgwwgs

    You just have to watch it. I don’t know why.

  • meg

    I loved Shelly’s “The whole team is gone. They’re gone. They’re like gone. Its not like they’re gone for the night, they’re gone. They are all gone!….so I’m just alone “

  • sgwwgs

    It’s almost sad until you realize it’s funny.

  • Adubb

    I’m glad I see that Sophia will be staying, even if just for a while. It’s time for there to be a new ALDC ‘star’ other than Maddie, although I do love Maddie and all of the original girls :-)

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