Ah, Utah, a land of beauty. And Mormons. But beauty too, apparently.
Joining us this week is none other than the Shankster himself. Gotta love this guy. The only bad part about him being on the show is that he already says funny crap, so it makes me have less funny things to say. I guess I’ll let it slide, though.
Incidently, his movie, Rock of Ages, comes out today. We’re going to try to make it over there and have a review of it to post sometime this weekend.
The show starts out like it did when Mitchell was a guest judge, with Mary saying stuff she doesn’t want to see. This time it was better, though, because Shankman demonstrated it all. Good times.
First up is some ballroom dancing chick who thinks she’s super sexy, but her mouth has so many braces going on in there that it looks like a circuit board. Hit me up in a few years when those things come off, chick. She does kick ass at dancing, though, so good job to her. Now if only she’d never open her mouth again.
Next up is a scene I could definitely do without. This chick gave me the heeby jeebies. She’s some weird buzzed-haired troll that thinks her soul comes from outer space. I think we’re all better off not knowing that people like this chick exist in the world. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Nonetheless, she’s on my TV, so I guess I’ll write about her. I did like the way they compared her “spirits” to the three judges. That was actually pretty funny, with Shankman being Rainbow Light Bright.
And holy crap this Carpenters song in the background is effing terrible. This chick says she was at some party when a power took over her body and she just started dancing around like a ‘tard. She used to be an aerospace engineer, but gave it all up to continue dancing like a ‘tard. Ugh. She got up stage and demonstrated her ‘tard dancing, and left the stage, at which point we all breathed a sigh of relief and looked under our beds to make sure she wasn’t there when we went to bed.
The judges are nice to her, but only because they don’t want to die.
Next up is a montage of family ties, which ends showing a chick’s dad dance up on stage to embarrass her. He was pretty funny. Any dad who will make an ass of himself like that is a good dad in my book.
To wrap up the “family” segment, there’s a clip of this Jersey Girl with a family of all dudes. This only means one thing: No man will ever date her. Plus they’re all loud and annoying as balls. Way too much testosterone being high-fived around that house.
I didn’t think she was that awesome, but the judges loved her, so she moves on to Vegas. I don’t really know how else to put it except that her dancing seemed heavy to me.
Now it’s time for some weirdos. After another montage, we get a weird kid from Vegas who is half naked and supposedly playing the part of a praying mantis. I wanted him to be terrible, but unfortunately he was somewhat captivating, so unfortunately he moved on. Ah well. He’d be good on the show.
Auditioning next is a chick who has a long story about how great her family is, which I don’t think anyone watching cares about. Her ballroom dancing was the best of anyone so far, though, so she also moves on to Vegas.
She spawns yet another motnage, this time of a bunch of ballroom dancing. I didn’t know Mormons did so much ballroom dancing, but I’m glad they do. Keep up the good work.
Now it’s time for Krump girl. Once again, I thought this chick would be awful, but she turned out to be pretty damn good for some reason. She’s this tiny little chick with obviously fake blonde hair that jumps around krumping with an awful expression on her face that would make babies cry. I think the same thing the judges do: The dancing is good, but what the hell else can she do besides skip around the stage? They send her to choreo to find out.