Holy crap, it’s early. Why do I do this to myself? Stay up late watching the game, wake up early to write about SYTYCD. And my team lost! You guys better love me.
The show started with visions of Melanie, since I guess she came from Georgia too. Melanie never really did it for me, actually. She was really good; don’t get me wrong. She just didn’t really excite me. That whole season was kinda “meh” for me, though.
This week Debbie Allen is the guest judge. I like her. Not sure what I like about her, but she’s likable.
As it pans through the crowd, I always wonder if the winner will be one of those random people it shows in the background and not one of the people they feature. Then they’ll have no early footage of the winner.
First up is Okie Audrey. Apparently she can fart with her neck and lick her elbow. And she’s never had a boyfriend. Pretty sure there’s a correlation there. Annnnd she just demonstrated. That’s not normal. I wanted to see her lick her elbow, but that didn’t happen. She danced quite nicely, so that’s a plus. Maybe she’ll get a boyfriend now. Just NEVER do that neck thing again, Audrey. Audrey. Really. Listen to me. NEVER do that again. I know the temptation will be there, but it is NEVER a good idea. Okay, glad that’s settled. Straight to Vegas with you.
Next we get introduced to Dragon House. I’m probably spelling that wrong because I’m sure they spell it weird, but alas. Don’t correct me. These guys all sit in their living room and dance. Sounds like a party. Boris is up for audition from their group. He kicks much ass. Hard to imagine the other guys are much better, but more on them later. This guy gets to go straight to Vegas.
Joshua Alexander is up next. He signs and plays guitar and dances and tiptoes through tulips. He may not have said that, but my brain heard it. His audition was really freakin’ good. If only he didn’t talk like a girl. They didn’t even critique him. They just gave him a ticket to Vegas and told him to scram.
Next is a montage of people who were saved by dance or something. Some dude from the streets who used dance to survive. Not sure how that works. Then there’s a chick with Tourette’s that dances so she ASS BALLS F@#$ doesn’t have it quite as bad as she used to. Then it’s a dude whose mom died, so he started dancing. That just doesn’t sound right.
Oh no. Next is Karate Boy. Something about this guy really annoys the crap outta me. He does karate and supposedly is really good and calls himself a badass. Why does this karate dude look fat? He wants to not only be America’s Favorite Dancer, but also America’s Favorite Person in general. Ugh. He says he started dancing because he wanted to get girls, like it’s some outrageous notion. Dude, just go to a club. If there’s a guy there dancing and he doesn’t like dudes, he’s dancing to get girls. He’s not dancing because it cures his Tourette’s.
So this fellow gets on stage and sets down his Selena Gomez backpack, because he takes her with him wherever he goes. Ugh. This guy is that kind of funny that just isn’t actually funny. So then he dances, or at least attempts it. All he really does is a bunch of stepping around between a bunch of really cool-looking flips and stuff. I’ll give him that the flips were sweet, but there was no dancing. So they should maybe send him to choreo? Nope, straight to Vegas after having him prove to the judges that he does ballet worse than Shamu.
Auditioning next is The Wobbler. His dancing is pretty awesome, but then they have him lead The Wobble on stage, because apparently he does that all the time, along with the Cupid Shuffle, which makes drunk white guys across the world feel like they can actually dance. Unfortunately, the Wobble leads Debbie Allen to start grinding all up on Nigel, which makes us all uncomfortable as we watch Nigel’s horrific hip hop dance moves. (Shudder)