So You Think You Can Exorcise Me

by Matt on May 25, 2012 · 2 comments

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Bah dah ba ba.  Bah dah ba ba.  So You Think You Can Dance Dance dance dance…

Wow, it’s been way too long.

Oh, how I’ve missed you Cat and Nigel.  And I guess you too, Mary.  But I’m never going to say that again.

Tonight was pretty dad gum good as far as audition nights go.  There was laughter, tears, and pants-pissing fear. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Our first audition of the night was a flapper chick from the NYC.  She started off as a weirdo and ended up as, well… a weirdo. But, she could dance pretty well. She did make really stupid faces, though, which was a bit off-putting.  I don’t see America voting for her very much.

Next up was Ronald McAsian.  I believe there are McDonald’s in Japan these days, so maybe he could be their spokesperson there.  Unfortunately, I don’t even think he could say the words “Big Mac.”  Lucky for him, he’s a badass dancer.  He drew comparisons to Twitch from Nigel.  But could he do any choreo?  Stay tuned.

Oh hey, it’s Mr. Wiggles.  This guy looks like he stuck his finger into a wall outlet while having a seizure, which gave him an orgasm.  He says some people say he’s a good dancer, but was afraid to say the words “videotape me.”  Not sure why.  He wants to be a celebrity and see if we have the Freeman Fever.  Is that another term for Epilepsy?  Pretty sure it is now.  Boom.  Coined it.  Now really, if I hear “I’m Sexy and I Know It” one more time, I just might catch the Freeman Fever myself.

You know what pisses me off most about that song?  How hard it is to say “Wiggle” five times fast.  My mouth just can’t seem to do it.  Tell me I’m not alone in this.

A girl just said NYC is the best place to live.  Um.  Apparently she doesn’t travel much.  “Sorry L.A.,” she says.  Yes, because L.A. is the only other great place to live.  Psh… dancers.

Shafiq Westbrook!  Okay, if you have ever read this blog, you know I have a special place in my heart for black guy dancers.  He flips over chairs, people, dinosaurs.  From here on out he shall be known as Flipper.  This guy is awesome.  I don’t know that I’ve seen the moves he did so slow with such control.  Bravo, buddy.

Mary may be crying.  Or she may be smiling. I really can’t tell.  Her face never moves.  I’ve seen more expression from corpses.

Aw man, Ronald McAsian cannota lift so he cannota stay.  So sad.

Okay, now I’m not sure what to think about this next guy.  He’s dancing for his mom because she tried to off herself.  Somehow he’s taken this tragic circumstance for his mom and made it all about him.  “You can’t die until you see me dance on stage, Momz!”  Um.  So I guess she’s free to kill herself now?

If my mom sees me on stage, it’s gonna give her so much more reason to enjoy life, to just enjoy watching her son.  It’s gonna give her a reminder of a reason why she should be here.

So her whole reason for living should be your dancing, huh?  Man.  This guy is so obliviously arrogant.  No votes for you, sir. He was really good, though.  It always kinda bums me out when the guys with sob stories are good.  I guess that shows you the kind of person I am.  For some reason I just want to see a super sad story, but then the person dances like Mr. Wiggles.  Now that’s entertainment.

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  • carrie

    spot on!! 😉

  • Harley Bear

    The “belly dancer” ballet guy was my favorite. He was awesome and he has an accent so double win! Next week’s should be…interesting lol. I agree with Afro-douche that some people shouldn’t get put through just because they are bad, but I’m pretty sure the producers already have an idea of who they want to make it through when they pick who gets to dance in front of the judges (since that is like their 2nd/3rd round of auditions). So those crazy people are just fillers. Also it makes it like a guessing game. When they’re doing an intro for someone you get to guess if they will be a psycho spastic dancer or a beautiful lyrical dancer. Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Also, the crazy people are entertaining and you don’t have to know much about dance to enjoy laughing with (at) them. Great post. Made me laugh!

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