Seriously, don’t read this if you haven’t watched the episode. In fact, never read it if you haven’t watched it. This is a recap. There are spoilers.
Kurt is gay.
No, that’s not the spoiler. I just figured I’d go ahead and piss off anyone that’s offended by calling a gay person gay. Don’t wanna waste anyone’s time.
A couple main storylines went on in this one. First, auditions started for the school music, West Side Story. Schue decided not to direct it this year because he wants to focus all of his time on the glee club and getting his OCD chick to have sex with him. Once again, I’m assuming the latter part. He appoints the man-chick coach, his OCD chick counselor lady, and shitty-legs Artie to take over as co-directors. Artie? Why him? Well, West Side Story is about gang members. If you saw a gang member in a wheel chair, would you be scared? Doubt it. Sure, he may be a little steadier with his aim sitting in his chair, but he probably holds his gun sideways anyway, so that doesn’t matter. Of course, would you be scared of a gang member that’s dancing around and singing? Hm. Maybe I’ll take the cripple, so long as he doesn’t ever open his mouth to sing. Or wheel his chair on beat.
Rachel will obviously end up with the lead part of Maria, unless Mercedes chloroforms her and hypnotizes the judges. But Kurt also decides he wants to be Tony, the lead male character. But you see, Tony is supposed to be manly. Once again, he does dance around and sing, thus knocking down serious manhood, but that’s neither here nor there. Kurt is gay. Kurt isn’t just gay. Kurt is pretty much a chick. So that leaves the judges like, “This little dandelion totally can’t play the part of a manly guy!” Oh well. There’s not much competition at the spot, since Kurt’s boyfriend said he wouldn’t audition for the part of Tony. Phew. Wait, what? The judges asked him at the end of the episode if he’d reconsider and play the part of Tony! Dun dun dunnnnnnnn… Cliffhanger.
It seriously is sad how often I watch this show (I could end this sentence right here and it would be perfectly valid) and think, “Please don’t sing, please don’t sing, please don’t sing.” I really am hating the music more and more. There weren’t even any real songs on this episode, right? All just stuff from musicals? Blah.
The other storyline going is that Puck and Quinn want to be part of their bastard child’s life. Rachel’s biological mom, who adopted the little thing after telling Rachel she was her real mom and regretting all the time she missed with her, is all the sudden a teacher at McKinley. Why, you ask? Because Sugar’s (remember her from last week? the chick who Schue said couldn’t be in Glee club) dad, the rich guy, paid off the Indian principal to hire another music teacher so that she could start a Glee Club just for Sugar. If the character of Sugar’s whole purpose on the show was to get Rachel’s mom as a teacher at McKinley, then that’s retarded. They could have found a better way to do it than to add a super weak subplot that was heading nowhere. Boo.
So Rachel’s mom tells Puck that he can be a part of his kid’s life if he stops acting like a dillweed, which he promptly does. Problem is, Quinn is still little miss Skank-ho and thinks she’s all super cool and different, just like her super cool and different friends and no one will ever understand her. Seriously, if I ever end up having a child, and that child happens to be a girl, I’ll probably put her in a foster home from the ages of 12 to 20. I might take her back after that. Teenage girls are effing weird.
Quinn is all, “Durrr, this is who I am and I’m not changing, durrrr,” but then she sees a picture of her baby and her mind changes. Or does it?? Dun dun dunnnnn… She shows back up to glee club rehearsals and leads everyone to believe she’s all different. Then she immediately tells Puck aside that it’s all an act and she wants full custody of her kid. What a weirdo. By the way, was anyone else just waiting for Puck to bang Rachel’s mom?
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