Last night’s SYTYCD was incredible.
Okay, I’m lying. It was the same as it always is. Dancing, bad jokes, dancing, bad jokes (repeat until we all have turned off the TV). Like a wedding reception.
The dancers all came out and did their little introductory five second jigs before being dismissed off the stage. Billy Bell was wearing an ultra-cool white scarf with his t-shirt. Good call, dude. Melinder didn’t look quite as awkward, so that’s a plus for her.
We got to see how they figure everything out, as far as who dances with who and what not.
Apparently they draw names out of a hat, and each all-star already has a type of dance assigned to them, so you get the dance with the dancer. But then two are left over. Kinda lame. Two of these all-stars just sit and watch. But hey, they’re getting paid. What do they care?
Either the dancers can’t dance with their same gender, or fate just worked out amazingly, because it sure looked like they were all picking out of the same hat. But that’s understandable. Two guys or two girls could do something like hip hop, but two guys doing a Tango? No thanks.
We also found out Billy would be Krumping. This should be awesome. For those of you who don’t know, Krumping is a really aggressive hip-hop style. Billy Bell is a super flamboyant, non threatening little dude. Perfect combination.
On with the dances…
Christina and Pasher:
We started off by seeing the dancers’ favorite childhood memories. I wasn’t paying a lot of attention because they usually say things I don’t care about. Christina has a Mexican accent and said something about being embarrassed about other kids seeing her “ONderwear.” It’s not that bad, lady. Kids used to see my underwear all the time. But that was a couple years ago, and now the cops have me under surveillance. Just kidding, FBI. The only thing kids are good for is chores.
These two did a Paso Doble to the song Ira Deorum/Sanctus by James Dooley.
For some reason the dance reminded me of Prince of Persia (the early 90s computer game, not the updated game or crappy movie where apparently Persians spoke English but with a British accent) the whole time. But done in the Temple of Doom. With Carmina Burana serenading.
It was pretty good overall.
When they finished, Cat said something about the girl being on top and her liking it that way. And so starts a night of Cat saying inappropriate things.
And then the judges started growling and purring again. This is getting creepy, guys.
Adam Shankman made a joke about Pasha Doble! HA!!! Then he yelled, “Mucho Caliente!!” Oh Shanky, you so silly.
Adacheeky and Allison:
Ol’ Cheeky said he lost all of his proof of his memories when their house burned down, all as we’re watching pictures of his childhood scroll across the screen. Interesting.
These two danced a Mandy Moore contemporary routine to Listen to Your Heart by D.H.T. Feat. Edmee.
It started out with a bang, because I’m pretty sure she gave him a swift headbutt at the beginning. Good times.
They were onto him about not smiling while dancing, and he didn’t for a while. Finally he busted one out, but it looked like he would smile when he could think about smiling, and not just naturally.
Pretty dance, though. You know… straightly speaking.
Mia said dance “isn’t just an art-form. It’s a heart-form.” Should I go ahead and throw that on a bumper sticker? Or is it already taken? Dang it.
Alex and Lauren:
Alex said he found ballet to be boring when he was little. Hey dude… the rest of us still feel that way. I’ve never once stayed awake while watching the Nutcracker. Including live performances.
His lisp drives me crazy and makes me chuckle ll at the same time. He said there would be lots of thapth in the routine and he was hoping the bring the thecthineth. If you can translate those, kudos.
They danced a broadway number to Summertime by Sylvester.
They were wearing some awful purple outfits and hats that looked too small for their heads.
Alex ended the dance in a split. I don’t know if I give him points or take them away for that.
It was a decent routine, but I think poor Alex has pulled an Andrew Garcia. His last routine was like Andrew’s Straight Up rendition and the judges are going to be comparing everything he does to that now.
Ashley Galvatron and Mark:
Dude. She was an ugly baby. Yikes.
And Mark’s hair is terrible. Sorry. There’s just some things I can’t get past.
These two did a jazz routine to Wonderful by Annie Lennox.
The theme of the routine is one most men know all too well. You know, where a woman is saying, “I want you, no I don’t, I want you, no I don’t.”
Apparently Shankman liked it. If I was hearing thing correctly, he was yelling before the dance even ended.
Nigel was dogging Travis, the choreographer, about the piece being more contemporary than jazz. Pretty sure no one in this audience know the difference, Nige (And no, that nickname is not racist).
Billy and Comfort:
The moment I’ve been waiting for.
Billy Krumping. Yes.
His childhood memories showed him a huge freakin’ baby. Then it went on to show him dancing at an early age in a black pleather outfit. Dude never had a chance.
They danced their Krump to So U Think U Can Krump by Tha J-Squad.
It was as awful as I had hoped. So awkward. I love awkwardness. That dance was just one big fart in an elevator.
Nigel hated the music. We all did, Nige.
And yet, they celebrated Billy for trying so hard and felt so bad for him for not being in his style. Uhhh.. guys? That’s the point of your show. When a hip-hopper does crappy at the foxtrot, do you feel bad for him? Not so much.
Grade: D-, and only because I reserve Fs for Jose.
Robert and Anyer:
Robert was another fatass baby. Someone should do a study and see how many good dancers were gigantic babies.
The choreographers were a guy and a girl, and the guy sounded like a girl and the girl like a guy. Weird.
They did and Argentine Tango to Libertango by Bond Quartet.
I dug the song, I dug the wardrobe, and I dug the dance, for the most part.
Good job, lads.
Melinder and Ade:
Melinder better hope she can improve after last week’s awfulness.
She showed a clip of how she was so weird in school because her parents encouraged the arts so much. Go figure. I want to hear a cool story from one of these people that we don’t expect. Like that they fell into the gorilla pit at the zoo and made their way out by dancing and singing I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book, only to have the gorillas realize later that they were duped because there were no gorillas in The Jungle Book so they came back and ate one of her hands off and now she has a fake one and we should all vote for her out of sympathy. That would be cool.
Oh great, it’s a number about saving the world. Love this stuff.
It was a contemporary dance to Squander by Sunk Anansie.
It sucked, but the judges loved it. Let’s try and keep the tapper a little longer.
Jose and Kathryn:
Jose should let his hair out of those nasty corn rows. They showed a shot of him with a big ol’ afro. Much better looking.
And he was doing Bollywood. Oh boy. They danced to Marjaani Marjaani Kasame from Billu Barber.
He smiled way too much and looked way slow at everything, like always.
Maybe I lied before when talking about Billy, because they praised him for sucking at a style that wasn’t his too. Oh, judges… I think you’re missing the point of the show.
Grade: F, because he’s Jose.
Lauren and Dominic:
And now for a dance about women getting abused.
This is the kind of dance that has to be really good or it’s going to be really lame.
It was a hip-hop routine to If I Were a Boy by Beyonce.
Unfortunately, they already lost me by dancing to a Beyonce Song.
I think they ended up dancing it well, but I felt I never would have realized that it was aboutabused women, had they not explained it beforehand. Weak choreography for a strong topic.
Then Mia complimented Lauren’s butt and somehow went on to ask Dmonic if he wanted to “get to a deeper place,” followed by, “and now I’m finishing.”
Oh Cat, you’re so awkward.
Kent and Courtney:
Kent looked exactly the same when he was five years old has he does now.
He’s supposed to act like he really wants the girl in this one. Everybody knows he doesn’t really want her. I don’t know if he’s gay, or is just that same five year old trapped in 19 year old body that looks like a five year old body.
They did a Jazz routine to Amy Amy Amy by Amy Winehouse.
His outfit was super not-straight. That shirt was hideous.
He did a good job, though, and he is unfortunately very likable.
So there’s last night’s So You Think You Can Dance. Who’s going home? JOSEEEEEEE!!!! No, I think I’m going to go with Melina again. She was forgettable, even though she did better tonight.
Do you agree? Did you watch it? Did you read this? Make a comment and make my day!